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Our latest necessary national conversation on civility is going as expected. Liberals are being SO MEAN to Trump fascists, not even letting them eat their gourmet cheeses and drink their Bud Ices in peace, which is just as uncouth as when Trump people abuse children at the border and right-wing extremists murder abortion doctors. And of course, Donald Trump is escalating his attacks, both on 79-year-old black congresswoman and grandmother Maxine Waters (for the crime of encouraging civil disobedience) and the Red Hen restaurant in Lexington, Virginia (for the crime of being completely normal human beings who don't want to be in the same room as Sarah Huckabee Sanders, and for comping her cheese plate as they nicely asked her to take a hike).



Let's put aside the fact that the Red Hen has a clean bill of health (and is totally cute!) whereas eating at Mar-a-Lago sounds slightly less sanitary than eating directly off an angry badger's asshole, considering its record with the health department.

Let's instead focus on how Trump is talking shit about a small local business on Twitter, after Sarah Huckabee Sanders used her official Twitter account to bellyache about how she didn't even get to eat her chicken entree. And now look at Alex Jones, who is right on cue and ready with his extra-good advice about how somebody needs to put surveillance on the Red Hen, to make sure the LEFTISTS don't do a FALSE FLAG:


If somebody smart—if you want to dedicate something to your country, you need to go sit out in front. I wish I had the money. I'd put P.I.'s—if I had billions of dollars, I would, every day, have teams of P.I.s all over the country. I'd say, 'Get on this site,' and I would just have P.I.s just watch the Red Hen, show when somebody firebombs it, God forbid, or somebody knocks the windows out, or somebody paints a swastika on the door, we can follow them to their house and you know who they're going to be, don't you?

Pig-humping Trump supporters? NO! That is what Illuminati Beyoncé WANTS you to believe.

It'll be something like the Southern Poverty Law Center, the ADL, antifa ... which is just college professors in masks! The lone rangers going out hittin' women in the head with bike locks!

OK, cool story. The Southern Poverty Law Center is going to attack the Red Hen, because that's totally what they do. Jones said there's a 99 percent chance this will happen in the next 48 hours, and he said it on his Monday show, so we guess the clock is ticking on this thing Alex Jones has advance knowledge will VERY ABSOLUTELY MUCH HAPPEN.

Couple things here! First of all, Jones is essentially admitting, in his way, that it's highly likely people from his side of the adult daycare are indeed likely to try to pull something at the Red Hen. That's why he's got to pre-emptively yell FALSE FLAG!

Hell, Trump idiots already are attacking the Red Hen. Now, please nobody tell them that they're attacking THE WRONG RED HEN, one that's in Washington DC (and another in New Jersey and another in Connecticut) and has nothing to do with the Virginia restaurant. We wouldn't want Trump idiots to have to confront their stupidity up close or anything.

Also, we know what actually happened to a pizza joint in Washington DC called Comet Ping Pong, after actual human beings who somehow aren't legally required to wear helmets for their own protection began to believe in a conspiracy theory called #PizzaGate -- which was pushed by Alex Jones! -- that said Hillary Clinton was doing child sex trafficking in the non-existent basement of the pizza parlor. A DUDE ACTUALLY SHOT THE PLACE UP! He was not from the Southern Poverty Law Center or the ADL or antifa.

Will that happen at the Red Hen? Good god, we hope not. But if it does, it won't be hard to figure out which dark corner of the internet it came from. Just you wait until some fucking moron determines that actually #PizzaGate is true, it's just that they moved the operation out of Comet Ping Pong AND INTO THE RED HEN after the election because the right-wing internet investigative unit was GETTIN' TOO CLOSE. They probably took Comet Ping Ping's basement with them!

You think we're kidding. We are not kidding.

And if that happens, we can blame Alex Jones, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, and their president Donald Fucking Trump.

We'd tell all these people to go fuck themselves, but that'd be uncivil.

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An unhinged wannabe fascist who tweets about golden showers did a news conference in the Rose Garden this afternoon. Also, Donald Trump was there.

Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro is in town, and everything about today's public appearance with Trump and Bolsonaro has been real stupid, just like how it was real stupid when Bolsonaro's stupid son was the stupid guest of honor the other night at a stupid Steve Bannon event at the stupid Trump trash palace hotel in DC.

During their pool spray, Trump excitedly told reporters that he was making plans to give NATO privileges to Brazil, because of how Brazil elected a big gross dipshit just like America did. Of course, considering how Trump treats actual NATO countries, Bolsonaro might want to reconsider whether he wants that.

Then a reporter asked him about his blubbering whiny-ass attacks on John McCain, who is still dead.

That's right, Donald Trump didn't even avoid the question about his very embarrassing behavior. He spoke about McCain as if McCain were still alive, whined about McCain killing Obamacare repeal, and concluded by saying, "I was never a fan of John McCain, and I never will be." As for McCain, he will continue living rent-free in the president's nightmares and his face will be the face of Trump's insecurities, because we guess that's what happens to John McCains when they die.

But enough about the pool spray! After they met in the Oval Office and did whatever fascists who should be prohibited entry to the White House via an electric doggie fence do (sniffed each other's butts, probably), they entered the Rose Garden and proceeded to hike their legs on democracy some more.

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Yep, we're breaking out the Wikimedia kitten image for this one.

CNN is out today with a story on members of the anti-vaccination/pro-disease movement who have found a delightful new way to win converts to their side in the war on science: find parents (mothers, generally) who have recently lost a child to a preventable disease, and then harass them on social media, because after all, good people refuse vaccines and anyone who advocates for vaccines must be burned to the ground. As your lawyer (we are not a lawyer), we advise you to secure any hurlable heavy objects near you before reading.

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