All GOP Wants For Christmas Is Your Stimulus $, Your Sick Leave, And Your Tips

It's a Christmas miracle, as three stories come to us like the kings, the wise men, the shepherds, the Holy Trinity, some ghosts, or your mom last night*, to prove there is a light that never goes out and other things Morrissey said before he went weird.

The first Christmas miracle: GOP BLOCKS STIMULUS BILL! Oh thank goodness, we worried that Republicans might be forced by the whims of their mentally ill (but in a bad way) sadist dictator president daddy to actually do something that would help some folks, after said mentally ill (but in a bad way) sadist dictator president daddy threatened to veto the stimulus bill if they didn't increase the disgracefully small direct payments of $600 to all Americans. Yes, after months and months of Nancy Pelosi negotiating first with the White House and then with the Senate; after she finally got Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell to even show up (and only because the Georgia Senate runoffs are going to go badly for him if he can't show even a modicum of concern for the literal millions of Americans who are out of work); after they finally worked out a compromise that wasn't thoroughly disgusting and only had a few Trojan horses in the legislation (my hilarious favorite being that the ONE pay-for they put into the Tax Cuts for Rich Fuckwads Act of 2017, taking away businesspeople's three-martini lunches on the taxpayer tab, rose from the dead like Christmas Jesus**, because if the unemployed can have 300 whole dollars a week, it is only fair that the corporations who just got a trillion dollar tax cut get something too); after all that, Republicans stood up to Trump and it was for the purpose of fuck you America.

It's so important in times of great stress and upheaval to be able to count on some things staying the same.

Christmas miracle two! The Department of Labor says your manager can take your tips!

Employers have been allowed to pool tips and share them among employees who typically receive them. The 148-page regulation published Tuesday by the Department of Labor would expand that, allowing restaurants to pay the wages of cooks and dishwashers with money earned by those waiting tables.

Hey libs just consider it taxation. Taxation of the person making $2.13 an hour under the legal federal subminimum wage, so that the owner doesn't have to pay $7.25 to the cooks, which could really cut into the owners' cocaine***.

We know Republicans are very concerned with restaurants staying in business, hence the double-bank-shot tax credits for "business people to eat at restaurants for free" because that saves restaurants, and allowing restaurants to not pay workers anything saves restaurants, but what we all know does NOT save restaurants is "giving restaurants money and giving their laid off workers money and also we'll accept liquor to go."

Tell us one last thing Business Insider, you saucy bitch:

"The food service industry supports the Department's proposed rule," lawyers for the Restaurant Law Center and the National Restaurant Association said last year when the change was being developed. They billed it as deregulation and an end to bureaucrats "trying to micromanage restaurant work."

Thank you for your ... service.

A third Christmas miracle because the number three is the best number for stories about stuff!

US companies no longer have to pay sick leave to people with Covid after Mitch McConnell reportedly blocks extension

Fuck that, I'm not even clicking on it, we all get the idea, MITCH.

This has been a Christmas Eve post about Christmas miracles OF EVIL, THAT SUCK.

* I am very good at your mom.

** That is what happens on Christmas according to last year's Polson Christmas Parade, where the local Baptists' float showed gory crucified Jesus because THEY ARE INAPPROPRIATE.

*** Owners' cocaine use based on the one month I worked in restaurants before quitting in the middle of my shift 29 years ago. Current restaurant owners' cocaine use may vary from historic history.

[Forbes / Business Insider / Yahoo]

Wonkette ain't do that shit. Please if you are able, help us pay our workers more than we pay us, plus the healthcare, and so many sick days it is honestly getting kind of stupid and I have to do things like "make them all take today off because jesus christ use up these sick days already."

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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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