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All The Fuckery They Think They Can Get Past Us In Alabama

Elections

Hello Wonkette fans! I am here to regale you with tales of the breakdown of democracy, because I am going to tell you about all the instances of lines and improperly distributed provisional ballots and illegally strict ID requirements and general polling fuckery in the great state of Alabama today!


If you, while you are wandering around this here series of tubes, happen to run into any reports of election fuckery, we ask you let us know below so we can add it! We also warn you that reports are not the same as verified incidents and also that this post will basically just be me looking at Twitter and if I'm feeling daring Facebook (but probably not because I hate Facebook, you guys get on that kthx) so it's unlikely to be comprehensive. I'm a damn fine person to have in a boiler room but nobody's that good. (Somebody's that good. It's just not me.)

So, without delay, here is the first of a constantly* updated entry!

*constantly means when I find things and get back here. You're welcome.

In good news for Democracy, it really doesn't seem like there are a ton of systemic failures or suppression! It seems like a lot of mistakes and one police department saying to themselves "oh man you know where there will be many cars? ON THE WAY TO THE POLLS WHERE THE VOTE ABOUT THE MOLESTER GUY IS!" and realizing that volume means revenue. (We have absolutely no basis upon which to assert that excepting that police departments around the country are known for doing that kind of thing, particularly where there's a lot of black people, and so we assume! It is as reasonable as anything else!)

More provisionals

Voter confusion isn't always necessarily suppression, but ain't social media an unmitigated good where you only ever find true things!

Looking like Homewood, Alabama isn't the least weird place in the state today!

OK, so if you'd heard about the deleting ballots thing, here's the ACLU on it:

I needed to see this and maybe you did too!

Here is an interesting fact! So once it's determined that provisionals might swing the outcome, you go into counting. That usually means that representatives of both campaign hover over some hapless elections board worker who's got a magnifying glass and is trying to match signatures. This is a fucked system, because most people don't know handwriting analysis and signatures change over time. Anyway, here's the other bit of truth behind the "provisionals aren't counted" belief: they are ruled as invalid at astronomical rates. Voters often are required to come into the board of elections to provide whatever proof they lacked at the polls, and if they don't BAM their vote isn't counted. Things like that.

Worth noting as well that there are rumors that provisional ballots won't be counted. We here at Wonkette's fact-checking department rank this claim as "of course that's how it's being explained!" TO WIT: Provisional ballots usually must be counted after an election unless the total amount of provisional ballots is smaller than the margin of victory. Say there's 100 total ballots, and 20 are provisional. If a candidate wins on election night 60-20, there's no point counting the provisional ballots because even if the losing candidate won every one of them it wouldn't change the outcome of the election. If a candidate wins on election night 45-35, provisional ballots would be put through the challenge process and counted. It's called "first past the post." Anyway it's where the idea that provisionals aren't counted or don't matter came from. More provisional discussion later, I'm going to go check for more fuckery!

So anyway I was supposed to be writing a chapter in this book but it's election night and fuck it, I'm going full nerd instead. This means that I am operating far too many screens for a single human at once and also have just informed my children that they can watch twice their usual amount of Spongebob. Here's a Vox fact-checky thingy on voter suppression in Alabama!

 

I was wondering how long it would be before we found some trans voter suppression! Looks like the voter figured it out in the end, but.

 

Some good old-fashioned provisional racism

 

This is one of those "grain of salt" things because rumors spread quickly, but it is important to note rumors as well, as they can impact elections! Here is one that warrants are being checked at polls. Contrasted with the police at polling locations, and we perhaps have a problem!

 

 

Not really voter suppression but hell's bells this is gross:

 

Do you suppose this is a very bad earnest attempt or a very good troll?

 

This is not what you like to see, though:

 

 

More "inactive voter" fuckery

 

This is worth clicking through to read the whole thing, but the upshot is this voter was marked inactive despite having voted recently, and if she hadn't thought to herself in advance "wow this place is really racist I should take ALL THE THINGS so they can't fuck with my vote" she might not have been able to vote:

 

 

 

We suspect that this person doesn't quite understand what "suppression" is but it's too funny to not bring you this to ponder:

 

But these are legit problems:

 

 

 

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And now for some very serious TUT TUTTING! It's time again for Republicans to make sad words about President Treason McTraitorpants selling out the country. This time they are seriously concerned, nay even deeply troubled, that Donald Trump would stand next to Vladimir Putin and pretend the Russians didn't hack the 2016 election. These patriotic Republicans are shocked, SHOCKED! Well, not, like, upset enough to do anything about it -- not with a fascist carpooler to jam into the Supreme Court. But they've got tweets, so it's all good!

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