available at!

Why is the NRA spending upwards of a million dollars per month on legal fees? How the hell did they manage to shell out $97,787 every single day of the first quarter of 2019? How come the new NRA president Carolyn Meadows was very concerned about it last April, but now says it's all fine? And are these assholes really going to make us switch to #TeamOliverNorth?

Just kidding, of course not. We hate all of them!

When last we left our intrepid band of gunhumpers, then-president North and a cabal of board members had attempted a coup against Wayne LaPierre, alleging wild spending by the NRA CEO. Yesterday the Wall Street Journal produced letters from longtime NRA PR company Ackerman McQueen (AMc) that purported to show hundred of thousand of dollars in expenses hidden in the advertiser's own books. North has also alleged massive overpayment of legal fees to the NRA's lawyers at Brewer Attorneys and Counselors. Throw into the mix a lawsuit by the NRA to force AMc to turn over details of its payments to North and you've got yourself a fucktussle with absolutely no good guys. Which is very on brand for the death stick lobby!

But the board stuck by LaPierre at its April 29 meeting and replaced Oliver North with Carolyn "Your Confederate Granny" Meadows, who said it was "troubling and pathetic that some people would resort to leaking information to advance their agendas." What she didn't do was deny the substance or authenticity of the leaked documents, on which her name appears, that someone who is absolutely, positively not Oliver North published briefly on Facebook yesterday. (It was almost immediately deleted, but captured by NRA member Rob Pincus and tweeted by the Free Beacon's Stephen Gutkowski.)

You mean to say that Granny Gun put her name on at least two memos asking for an accounting of the lawyer's fees before taking North's job and saying everything was hunky dory? Fam we are shook!

How bad was that lawyer money anyway? Oh, just $19 million in one year, NBD.

According to North's memo, LaPierre has steadfastly refused any outside oversight. In fact, when confronted with complaints about William Brewer's law firm's overbilling, LaPierre fired Steven Hart, the longtime lawyer for the NRA's board. After which, the board unanimously reconfirmed its faith in LaPierre and they all lived happily ever after.

Or maybe not ...

Yes that Allen West is tapping out with a blog post today calling Meadows and her board ally Charles Cotton damn dirty liars who lie a lot.

It has become very apparent that I need to speak out about what is happening at the National Rifle Association.

I am in my second term as a Board member, and I am deeply concerned about the actions and statements being made. The recent statements by Charles Cotton and Carolyn Meadows that are appearing in the Wall Street Journal, and now other news outlets, are outright lies. I have never been told, advised, informed or consulted about any of these details mentioned in the WSJ, and who knows how much more despicable spending of members' money.

These statements have maliciously, recklessly and purposefully put me, and uninformed Board members, in legal jeopardy.

Is Allen West the hero we need in 2019? No, he's still a gross asshole who was forced to resign his commission after his unit beat an Iraqi prisoner and he staged the man's mock execution. But he might actually be telling the truth here that the NRA board was not given the real details of LaPierre's perks -- the hundreds of thousands for clothes, charter flights, the $4,500/month apartment for his intern. And now he's calling for Wayne's well-coifed head.

I do not support Wayne LaPierre continuing as the EVP/CEO of the NRA. The vote in Indianapolis was by acclamation, not roll call vote. There is a cabal of cronyism operating within the NRA and that exists within the Board of Directors. It must cease, and I do not care if I draw their angst. My duty and responsibility is to the Members of the National Rifle Association, and my oath, since July 31, 1982, has been to the Constitution of the United States, not to any political party, person, or cabal.

The NRA Board of 76 is too large and needs to be reduced to 30 or less. We need term limits of four (4) terms on the Board. We need to focus the NRA, the nation's oldest civil rights organization on its original charter, mission, training and education in marksmanship, shooting sports, and the defense of the Second Amendment.

I will dedicate all my efforts to the reformation of the National Rifle Association and its members, of whom I am proud to serve.

It sickens me to publicly make this statement, but I will not allow anyone to damage my honor, integrity, character, and reputation. Needless to say, there are those who have willingly done so to their own.

Have you heard Allen West was in the military? Because he was. Allen West is a soldier, dammit! And he's about to blow the lid off this whole scandal in the name of Jesus, the Marines, and goddamn Second Amendment. And possibly his own run for Congress in Texas.

Quick, Dana Loesch! Time to superimpose a burning cross on the Arthur Wedding and accuse the Scooby Doo kids of promoting bestiality. It won't help, since this stuff isn't going away. But if Ackerman McQueen gets the boot, the NRATV contract disappears with it, and Dana can kiss all those death dollars goodbye. So, countdown to more cray shit in 3...2...

[NRA doc dump / The Old School Patriot (AKA Allen West) / DB]

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Please click here to fund your Wonkette, who knows the First Amendment is more important than the Second.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

Donate with CC
Photo by Wonkette operative 'Zippy W. Spincycle'

Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc