America All Out Of Workers Because Everyone's Snorting Food Stamps And Social Security
Let's hope Trevor Noah keeps the Daily Show graphics team intact
So, Politico has an exciting (like Jeb!! Bush) new interview with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and for the most part it's pretty much what you'd expect: blah blah Barack Obama sucks, Harry Reid sucks, if only we had a Republican president, yadda yadda. But right smack dab in the middle of the thing is some vintage Mitch McConnell bullshit:
Asked about the improving economy, McConnell scoffed: Business leaders tell him they have “a hard time finding people to do the work because they’re doing too good with food stamps, Social Security and all the rest.”
This may in some ways sound like it's fresh from Republican talking points in 1982, with the welfare bashing and all, but it's an even nuttier take on supply-side thinking than usual. Not only are businesses suffering because they still haven't had enough tax cuts, the real thing holding them back from hiring is that they just can't find any workers willing to unlatch from the government teat, with all those generous food stamps. And now, apparently, businesses are also having a hard time coaxing retired people to get off their lazy Social Security-collecting asses and take a job. Is this man even listening to himself? Besides, everyone knows that if you really want to qualify for food stamps, you're probably already working at Walmart.
McConnell also complained that Barack Obama is not cooperative like previous Democratic presidents used to be:
Rather than cut deals like centrist Democrats of the past, he said, Obama wants to “Europeanize America” with a diet of “massive debt, high taxes on the most successful people, over-regulation.”
Ah, yes, that "He's turning us into Europe!" line that got Mitt Romney elected president. Good call, Mitch! As for Obama's willingness to reach across the aisle and cooperate with Republicans, that's pretty rich stuff coming from the guy who promised from the start that his highest priority was to make Obama a one-term president, and who was too drowsy to take Obama's phone call on election night 2012.
There are some other interesting McConnell McNuggets in the piece, like his refusal to even discuss his relationship with John Boehner, that crying fellow over in the House of Representatives, so as a replacement for that, Politico tosses in a nice jab by Senate Minority Whip Dick Durbin, who asked whether "Boehner and McConnell have one another’s telephone numbers, that they are talking to one another? To me, it’s disarray[.]" Seems they've sort of lost touch after they misplaced their plan to replace Obamacare.
And then there's the mandatory mention of Ted Cruz, who keeps barking about how McConnell is a sellout who doesn't see the wisdom of shutting down the government; on this one, Yertle at least seems to be grounded in something like reality:
“Shutting down the government, it doesn’t defund Planned Parenthood any more than shutting down the government two years ago would have defunded Obamacare,” McConnell said.
Sick burn! Still, he promises that the Senate will at least have a vote on defunding Planned Parenthood, if only to prove that it can't actually go through. But for the most part, the main point that McConnell wants us to understand is that Senate Republicans are just waiting for the 2016 election so that come 2017, they can really get something exciting done.
Like eliminating all the food stamps and Social Security that are depriving employers of workers.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.