America Ignores Crazy Uncle Threatening To Take Over Cities Because 'Meh, He Says A Lot Of Sh*t'

White House

Well, the good news is that no one listens to a damn word the president says any more. It just washes over us like acid rain, slowly dissolving the thin veneer of democratic norms that remains after four years of this nightmare. The bad news is that the president threatened to "take over" American cities yesterday, and no one even noticed.

It happened at a "Roundtable With Stakeholders Positively Impacted by Law Enforcement," which is White House talk for "Propping the Old Man Up in Front of a Microphone So He Can Try To Get Reelected By Racebaiting, At Least It Gets Him Away From the Television for an Hour."

It started with praise for "Attorney General Bill Barr, because the job he's done has been amazing. It's been — it's been 24 hours a day. I guess I could say 28 hours a day. Right?" Well, you could say that, but you'd sound like a lunatic.

Then Trump barfed out some nonsense about Democratic mayors leading the charge to defund the police so criminals can run roughshod over decent, taxpaying Americans: "Far-left mayors are escalating the anti-cop crusade, and violent crime is spiraling in their cities. It's all far-left cities where they have no understanding of what has to be done."

And then something-something monuments?

And I will say that we put on a very powerful rule and law that you get 10 years if you knock down a monument. If it's a federal monument, you go to jail for 10 years. And if it's anything else, we tell them we work with the states to help them. But if it's — if you do anything where it's a federal monument — and there are a lot of them up there — and nobody has been attacked, nothing has been attacked since we did 10 years in jail, monument or statue.

Fun fact: The president can't impose criminal penalties by Executive Order. Because that is not how law goes.

Then it was time to shit on Chicago, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Minneapolis, and of course New York where "The radical politicians are waging war on innocent Americans. That's what you're doing when you play with the police." Which makes complete sense if you forget that each and every one of these cities has a robust police force which seems incapable of solving the very real problem of violent crime.

So things are happening that nobody has ever seen happening, happen in cities that are liberally run. I call them "radical lib." And yet, they'll go and march on areas and rip everything down in front of them. If that's what you want for a country, you probably have to vote for Sleepy Joe Biden, because he doesn't know what's happening. But you're not going to have it with me.

In point of fact, we do "have it with me." Donald Trump has been president for almost four long years, and his attempt to blame Joe Biden for crimes taking place on his watch is positively Soviet.

So we've been very strong on law enforcement. We'll be doing things that you'll be, I think, very impressed with. Numbers are going to be coming down even if we have to go in and take over cities, because we can't let that happen.

Yay for the party of "small government" and "local control!"

Try to imagine the absolute brain-melting fury if a Democrat threatened to use the power of the federal government to "take over" cities. It's Jade Helm, ONLY FOR REAL.

Well, not for real. Because, like everything else that President Trump barfs out, literally no one believes a word he says. The man has pulled the fire alarm so many times in the past four years, that siren sounds like elevator music to us now. He's threatening to cancel federalism, and we're hearing the marimba version of "The Girl From Ipanema."

Vote these fuckers out!


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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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