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America Remembers Handsome, Murdered President

News

Please thank us in the comments for not using the picture of JFK's exploded head. You know the one.

  • John F. Kennedy was assassinated forty-seven years ago today. Where were you when you read The Warren Report, and then laughed? We will probably never know if H. L. Hunt hired Blackwater to shoot JFK in the head, but most people reject the Oswald conspiracy theories and have accepted that President Handsomepants' violent murder was just another routine CIA hit job. Sarah Palin says that John Kennedy betrayed his religion, so maybe Jesus was the guy with the gun at the Grassy Knoll? We simply do not know. Many equate JFK's assassination with the End of America's Innocence. Apparently everyone still had a super clean conscience in 1963, even after we dropped all those atomic bombs. [Voice of America/The Atlantic]
  • Two Israeli soldiers who used a nine-year-old Palestinian boy as a human shield during the 2009 Gaza Massacre will not be sent to prison, even though they are war criminals. Instead, these two soldiers will be demoted, from White Phosphorous Lieutenants to Bulldozer Cadets. Bummer! [Guardian]


  • Jim DeMint is hosting all sorts of bake sales, which will raise money for Joe Miller's futile and pathetic attempt to steal Lisa Murkowski's senate seat. [McClatchy]

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Last night, news broke that started to answer a few of the questions we've all been asking: "WHERE ARE THE GIRLS? WHERE ARE THE BABIES? WHERE ARE THE TODDLERS?" We still don't have all the answers to those questions, by any means, and we still don't have all the pictures and video footage Americans need to truly grasp what's going on -- because the Trump administration won't give journalists access -- but we now know thanks to reporting from the AP that the youngest, most fragile children ripped from their parents at border crossings are being held in "tender age" shelters, because doesn't that sound nice? It's like jail, but for babies! Baby jails!

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What in the world is the Old Dotard on about now? Oh, Canadian Shoe Smugglers? Fair enough.

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