American Troops Deploy Combat Boots Directly Up Tucker Carlson's Ass

Military people are MAD at that little milquetoast shitmouth Tucker Carlson, and they are calling him the filth he is. You love to see it.

It started with this most bizarre of Tucker segments on Tuesday night. He was weirding out about masculinity issues, like he does almost every night. He just pivots back and forth between racism and penile insecurity, racism, penile insecurity, and then after an hour the show is over and it's like hi, Sean Hannity! In this case, he was projecting whatever his insecurities are onto the United States military, specifically women in the military.

We'll get to what he actually said in a second, but first, Senator Tammy Duckworth, who lost her legs in Iraq, recipient of the Purple Heart, what do you think about Tucker Carlson?

FUCK TUCKER CARLSON, said the senator, who proceeded to defend women in combat, and then made a self-deprecating joke about how even SHE, with awesome robot legs because of how she lost her original ones fighting wars Tucker wouldn't ever get close enough to do that weird puberty yelp he does, can dance better than he can.

And she was not finished.

This ain't the first time Tammy Duckworth has told Tucker Carlson his business.

What Did Tucker Do To Make Tammy Duckworth Kick The Shit Outta Him And Tell Him To Go Fuck Himself? Well, It Starts With A 'Masculinity Crisis.'

Like we said, as per usual.

Fair warning, this is long, so strap in.

But before you dive in, be prepared that it is so weird. It starts with Tucker excitedly telling his viewers that in China, they were not big weenuses about the coronavirus, and that last March, they declared a MASCULINITY CRISIS. Tucker thinks they should do that in America, and not just for whatever sad masculinity crisis is happening inside his soul!

Transcript via Media Matters:

TUCKER CARLSON (HOST): In March of last year, the leadership of the United States and of China both declared national emergencies. In the US, Tony Fauci warned Congress that reopening American businesses could cause, quote, "coronavirus outbreaks the government may not be able to control." Going outside, Tony Fauci said, was just too risky.

Meanwhile, in China, where the coronavirus originated, a top adviser to the Chinese government declared that the country was experiencing a very different kind of threat, a more profound threat.

The problem he said, was a national masculinity crisis. Chinese boys, quote, "have been spoiled by housewives and female teachers," and they were becoming as a result, quote, "delicate, timid, and effeminate."

So far weird enough for you?

But, because Tucker is as stupid as he is shrill, he explained that "In essence, they were becoming people who might listen to someone like Tony Fauci." Got that? In Tucker's very frightened worldview — you know, the one that used to brag about how he beat up a gay guy in the bathroom — he thinks people who listen to Dr. Fauci are "delicate, timid, and effeminate."

You know, as opposed to just not wanting to infect their family members with a virus that's killed over a half million Americans in the last year.

Now wait, were the Chinese talking about Dr. Fauci? Were they like "Our boys, they are becoming just like Dr. Fauci, this is A OUTRAGE"? No. Didn't the Chinese do coronavirus lockdowns far more extensive than anything Dr. Fauci ever advised in America? Wouldn't that mean the entire Chinese government was acting like a common effeminate Dr. Fauci, according to Tucker's sound logic? Refer back to how Tucker is not the brightest boy.

Tucker's non sequitur about Dr. Fauci over, he decided to get even weirder.

And Then He Attacked The Military. Specifically He Attacked WOMEN In The Military.

Tucker's pivot started with him getting weird micro-boners about how big and manly China's navy is. Then he played an out-of-context clip of President Joe Biden on International Women's Day talking about making the military better and safer and more accommodating for women, who serve with honor and bravery every day.

TUCKER CARLSON (HOST): Last year, we learned that China has quickly developed the world's largest naval force. In 2015, China had 255 battleforce ships. Now they have more than 360, and many of those ships are more capable than anything in the American naval fleet. So how are we responding to this? Well, at the White House yesterday, Joe Biden addressed it effectively. What's the American military's response? Here's what Joe Biden said.


PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN: Some of it is relatively straightforward work where we are making good progress designing body armor that fits women properly, tailoring combat uniforms for women, creating maternity flight suits, updating requirements for their hairstyles. And some of it is going to take, you know, an intensity of purpose and mission to really change the culture and habits that cause women to leave the military.

And that's what freaked Tucker out so much. He lost it because, while China's navy is getting so BIIIIIIIG and HAAAAAARD, he is just pretty sure President Biden is making the US military too girly. This obviously threatens Tucker somewhere deep down.

CARLSON: So we've got new hairstyles and maternity flight suits. Pregnant women are going to fight our wars. It's a mockery of the US Military. While China's military becomes more masculine as it's assembled the world's largest navy, our military needs to become as Joe Biden says more feminine, whatever feminine means anymore since men and women no longer exist. The bottom line is it's out of control, and the Pentagon is going along with this.

Ha ha! Pregnant ladies! Ha ha! Hairstyles! (Y'all know that means they're updating the requirements to be more inclusive of Black women's hairstyles right? Oh, you know Tucker doesn't like that!) Ha ha PUBERTY YELP YELP YELP YELP! Yeeeeeeeeeah. Licensed psychologists and other mental health professionals, feel free to go off in the comments section.

And that's when Tammy Duckworth said "Fuck Tucker Carlson."

Who Wanna See More Of Our Bravest And Best Kicking Tucker Right In The Nuts?

Good Lord, who doesn't!

To be clear, the backlash is coming from the top.

Speaking to reporters Thursday, Pentagon spokesperson John Kirby said the Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin shared the same "revulsion" that many military leaders have expressed about the comments Carlson made.

Kirby said the military still had "a lot of work to do" to become "more inclusive, more respectful of everyone — especially women."

"We pledge to do better, and we will," Kirby said. "What we absolutely won't do is take personnel advice from a talk show host, or the Chinese military. Maybe those folks feel like they have something to prove. That's on them."

All fun and games until the Pentagon spox says maybe Tucker has "something to prove." There was a press release on Defense Dot Gov too. They used the word "smite" in their headline, LOL.

But that's just the Pentagon spox. The rest of the military internet complex also went apeshit on Tucker.

Here's Michael Grinston, Sergeant Major of the Army:

As you see, Grinston is quote-tweeting General Paul Funk, head of Army Training and Doctrine Command, who also says Fuck Tucker.

This is Marine Corps Master Gunnery Sergeant Scott Stalker, who'd like to remind you in this video that Tucker's little man opinions are "based off of actually zero days of service in the armed forces."

Lieutenant General Theodore Martin, posting a picture of his daughter and saying Fuck Tucker.

Fort Hood Deputy Commanding General John Richardson:Richardson:




You get the idea. CNN and Joe.My.God have more, if you'd like to see. If you want enraged tweets from women who serve, Media Matters has a ton of those too.

Here's a sampling:

Oh yeah, and VoteVets shared its thoughts:

So yes, American troops have deployed all the way up Tucker Carlson's ass. And because the US military doesn't finish the job until it's done, they're likely to stay up there a while.

Time For Tucker To Play The Victim!

Tucker responded to all this last night by apologizing bitching and moaning about how the Pentagon has DECLARED WAR on him, to SILENCE HIS DISSENT. Reminder: Tucker's "dissent," more or less, is that women in the military make his testes feel little bitty, and the Pentagon's "War On Tucker" is tweeting out pictures of women serving and saying not their fault if some "talk show host" feels like he has something to prove.

He also calls his show a "domestic news operation," LOL sure, Tucky Ducky.

Pound sand, Tucker, pound sand.

[Media Matters / ibid. / CNN]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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