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Americans Admit Their Religion Is Fading Away

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The empty Saturnalia of Christmas has come and gone again, so it's time for pollsters to ask depressed Americans if religion is still important. About half say, "I guess, to me, a little." But 70% admit that their sad devotion to that ancient religion doesn't really matter, as the actualinfluence of traditional religion on America's trash society of mouth tattoos and teen pregnancy and foreclosed homes full of prescription numbing agents and wide-screen pornography is all but finished.


Gallup reports:

PRINCETON, NJ -- Seven in 10 Americans say religion is losing its influence on American life -- one of the highest such responses in Gallup's 53-year history of asking this question, and significantly higher than in the first half of the past decade.

Back in 1970, three-quarters of Americans apparently believed religion was waning in this wrecked country -- that 75% record is the only year when more Americans than this year thought their religious traditions no longer mattered to the nation at large. And that was the era of riots and Vietnam and TIME Magazine covers with "Is God Dead?" headlines, and also that's when the nation was very briefly blessed with beautiful young hippie chicks running naked through the parks, so old people just freaked the hell out. But now everybody is horrendous and if you saw an actual Real American naked you'd probably eat your whole bottle of OxyContin just to end the pain, in your eyes. (One of the primary causes of "home suicide" is when Americans accidentally see themselves in the bathroom mirror, after their weekly shower.)

Anyway, experts say we could very much use a completely new religion to give us some sense of purpose and perhaps the ability to live a life that isn't so tawdry and humiliating. Whatever that new religion will be, it won't have a goddamned thing to do with people in exurbs going to the steel building/stucco facade warehouse church across from the AM/PM and the vacant strip mall, to be jabbered at by some meth-addict closet case on a fake-wood-paneling stage set with shit synthesizer strings blasting through a too-loud sound system while the massive eleven-year-old "teens" text each other about their ovulation. [Gallup/Christian Post]

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Ann Coulter is not impressed with Donald Trump's presumptuous plan to stop ripping babies away from their mothers and sending them to infant prison. For quite a while, Ann has been obsessively lamenting the very idea that American people even have children to "fill their lives with joy," but now (lol, "now") Ann has shifted her rage to immigrant people. Every time you watch her waving her alien-length arms around in a ritualistic frenzy over how shitty liberals are, just remember that we have already seen the emptiness of her soul laid bare. Remember that time she wanted to eat your baby because you got a tax credit?

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Screenshot- Right Wing watch via Fox News
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It's just another Wednesday in an America that snatched kids from their parents and locked them up in old Walmarts. Trump just signed an unneeded executive order ending his heinous child separation policy, but his "the bad guy mobster in a mobster movie" tactics might've had some permanent damage. What remains of the shriveled-up soul of the grand old poor-screwing Republican party has finally had enough.

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