America's Best Husband Bill O'Reilly Sues Faithless Cheating Monster Of An Ex-Wife

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America's top moral scold, Bill O'Reilly, is suing his ex-wife for $10 million, claiming she fraudulently misled the poor heartbroken teevee shouter into signing a separation agreement while she was boinking someone that was not Bill O'Reilly. It's just how women are, you know. O'Reilly's lawyers allege his ex-wife, Maureen McPhilmy, "knowingly made false misrepresentations" -- the worst kind of misrepresentations -- "and material omissions of existing fact to [O’Reilly] ... for the sole purpose of inducing [him] to agree to a consensual divorce and to obtain money and real property to finance an existing extra-marital relationship." Just look at this damning accusation!

McPhilmy was granted sole custody of the couple's children earlier this year, after a court-appointed examiner testified O'Reilly's daughter witnessed the champion of Truth, Justice, and No Spin dragging McPhilmy down a staircase by her neck, a claim O'Reilly disputed because his teen daughter is a monster who was out to get him, although he also wanted custody of his sweet darling girl, the filthy liar. Gawker notes as well that when the daughter was visiting O'Reilly, he'd regularly call McPhilmy an "adulterer" because she began dating a Nassau County cop, Jeffrey Gross (whom she has since married), in 2010 -- after O'Reilly and McPhilmy had separated but before their divorce was formalized. Bill O'Reilly has a very traditional view of marriage, and simply wanted the young lady to know, for her own good, that mommy was a slut. The court-appointed therapist also told the court O'Reilly had told his daughter -- for her own good, probably -- that Gross was "not a good person," and warned her that spending time with her mother and stepfather would "ruin her life." It's because he cares.

Not that Bill O'Reilly is a vindictive bastard or anything. He only tried to use his influence to pressure Long Island law enforcement to pursue a baseless internal affairs investigation of Jeffrey Gross, and to try to get McPhilmy excommunicated from the Catholic Church for taking communion after getting divorced and remarried, like some sort of horrible sin-wench. So looking for a big monetary payout from his lovely bride and occasional tackling dummy seems entirely in character.

Billo would also like very much to have all the court proceedings go forward in secret, please, because he is a celebrity, arguing in an April 2016 filing,

Plaintiff is a public figure and matters concerning his personaI [sic] life, marriage, and children, attract media attention, which, upon information and belief, caused the minor children extreme emotional distress.

You know, for the kids. And maybe because snotty political and media blogs might make fun of Bill O'Reilly. How exactly the kids could be more distressed than they already are at having Bill O'Reilly for a father is beyond us.


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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