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America's Congresswoman, Bachmann, To Become America's Senatewoman

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When Michele Bachmann lost her bid to join the Republican House leadership last month,an idiot or two decided this meant her increasing crazy-fueled political power had finally hit a wall. (Or a glass ceiling. Or a wall made out of brick and abortion-blood mortar. Etc.) But perhaps the reason she lost isn't that her power is limited. Perhaps she lost because those men running the Republican caucus are out of touch with America, whereas Bachmann is America, in the body of the Virgin Mary, with the face of a demon okapi. She is strong because America is strong. And that's why Bachmann may very well run for Senate in 2012.


In this scenario, Bachmann would face the incumbent Amy Klobuchar, who pathetically lacks the ability to say crazy shit to rake in the money of the crazies.

Bachmann brought in an eye-popping $13.2 million during the [2010] campaign, shattering the previous fundraising record for House candidates and eclipsing even the totals for many Senate campaigns, which are typically more expensive to run.

Klobuchar, for instance, raised just more than $9 million for her successful Senate run in 2006.

And 2006 was a time when America actually had an economy that wasn't just a giant collection of mirrors glued together with duck sauce. Or at least it was a stronger mass of duck-sauce mirrors. Michele Bachmann's 2010 fundraising haul was made up entirely of food-stamp cards, Social Security checks, and Beanie Baby bonds.

Tony Sutton, Chairman of the Minnesota Republican Party, said Bachmann would be a “very strong” challenger to Klobuchar.

That may seem like a strange thing to say, but the political landscape has changed in Minnesota. Citizens now routinely burn gay people to keep warm and have passed a law making it illegal to speak in anything but the new official language, "Bible verses." In other words, it is Bachmann country. And come 2012, that woman will show us what Senate obstructionism really looks like. [The Hill]

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