America's Favoritest Deadbeat Dad Joe Walsh Wins Re-Election With Spy Photo Of Opponent Picking Out Dress
Sorry, guys, but GAME OVER. Illinois Congressman and paragon of personal responsibility Joe Walsh has handily defeated his opponent even with four weeks or whatever left to go. How did he do this? By holding up, during their debate, a photo of his opponent picking out a dress to wear at the Democratic National Convention, where she would be giving a speech. Wait a minute, she? His opponent's a lady? And his big GOTCHA is that she wore a dress? Do not try to wrap your puny mortal brains around what goes on in the mysterious silence of Joe Walsh's skull. He's ineffable, and unknowable, and a crazy motherfucker. Like God!
Now that we know Joe Walsh is cruising to re-election with a solid 38 percent of the vote, what happened in other fun debates this week? Well, former Governor Linda Lingle of Hawaii, running for Senate, accused her opponent, Mazie Hirono, of personally cheating on Elizabeth Edwards when she had cancer. HOW DARE YOU MAZIE HIRONO?
Hirono asked Lingle if she regretted statements she made while stumping for Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) during the 2008 general election against President Barack Obama, a native son of Hawaii. Lingle responded by suggesting that Hirono and Democratic Hawaii Sen. Daniel Inouye supported others in the 2008 primary process.
“Congresswoman Hirono, as you know, you didn’t support President Obama, you supported John Edwards. Sen. Inouye didn’t support President Obama, he supported Hillary Clinton.”
Inouye did back Clinton in the contested primary, but the Hirono campaign was quick to point out that Lingle erred on the Edwards matter. Hirono did endorse Edwards in 2004, but not in 2008. In 2008, Hirono waited until late in the campaign to endorse Obama. Hirono was not able to correct Lingle’s mistake during the debate, but her campaign subsequently called the former governor out on the error.
“I think it was clear that you didn’t think he was the best candidate to be president because you supported John Edwards, and I’ve often wondered because you talk so much about women’s issues — and how horribly he treated his late wife — did you ever regret supporting John Edwards for president?” Lingle asked during the debate.
How dare Mazie Hirono not support Barack Obama for president four years before he ran for president? But yeah, John Edwards is a real piece of shit. Point taken, Linda Lingle! See you in the Senate!
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