America’s Most Awful, Sexty Ex-Mayor Goes Back To Jail
If any Wonketteers happens to be in the vicinity of DC meat landmark “Benz Chili Bowl,” it would be really great if you could pick up an original chili half smoke for Detroit’s sexty ex-mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. What you’re gonna wanna do is hide a file inside the delicious pork treat and send it to Kwame care of the “Detroit Reentry Center,” where Kwame will be spending the weekend.
Kwame, who spent the majority of his mayoral tenure texting about R. Kelly songs and blow jobs, will be back in jail this weekend for hiding monies from his probation officer. All told, he committed 14 probation violations.
Marlan said Kilpatrick waived going through the formal parole violations process in favor of serving the immediate penalty. The violations include failing to report cash gifts he received in October, November and December of 2012.
Kilpatrick is on parole for his crimes in the 2008 text-message scandal and is required to report all details of his income including gifts. This is the second time he has been charged with hiding assets. He received a prison sentence in 2010 following the previous violation.
Yes, this is his third time behind bars. He initially spent four months in the joint for his sexty perjury. Then he spent 14 months in prison after the probation folks jammed up the ex-mayor — who used to wear shirts with “MAYOR” embroidered on the cuff — for hiding money. Kilpatrick, an actual (disbarred) lawyer, tried to argue he shouldn’t have to claim the $240,000 in "loans" given to him by prominent Detroit businessmen because he just gave that money to his wife and it therefore couldn't be used to pay his restitution. Apparently, he was sick the day they taught community property in law school.
He also must have missed the lessons about income tax evasion and racketeering because this weekend in jail is pretty much the least of his problems. When he gets out Monday, he’ll be back in federal court for his RICO trial.
As it turns out, in the brief moment when he wasn’t texting his mistress/employee, he was allegedly doing dirty deals with poop haulers and unfortunate negative Italian stereotypes and not reporting the income from said dirty deals to the IRS!
So, really, if you can wedge a bus ticket to Mexico into that half smoke with the file, he would probably appreciate it.