The "new thing" in America is being desperately poor, until an audience of Tea Party sociopaths maniacally cheers your death outside the razor-wire fence of the hospital. But some of these uppity poors are so desperate that they've politely begged the rich monsters of Congress to forgive their many debts. HR 365 was introduced today, because 194,000 sad people signed this petition begging for relief from their mortgages and student loans. All these needy deadbeats are probably going to be gathered in a football stadium andburned alive for the half-time entertainment at the 2012 GOP convention, but for now they have a "voice in the House," until this is "tabled with extreme prejudice."

Wonkette operative "Andrew L." sends along this petition and the resulting doomed bill (PDF), introduced by the socialist freeloader Rep. Hansen Clarke -- not because it will ever get close to becoming a law, but because of the sad statements of the petitioners and the old-timey Middle Ages talk of "indentured servitude" in the resolution itself.

Here are some of the Youthful Cries for Help we noticed in the online petition:

• HELP THE PEOPLE NOT THE BANKS~~~!!!!

• I believe that if there is the student loan forgiveness, there would be such a surplus in our economy that we just might actually be able to make a difference.

• This is theage group that need the stimulate not CEO or Wall Street.
• This would give me an extra $1200 a month to spend. Certainly this would help the economy.
• I support this not only as a recent graduate who is struggling to pay my debts, but also as the child of parents in their fifties who, to this day, are still receiving collection phone calls due to credit problems caused by their student loans.
• Yes, I work on a federal Indian reservation and I need the help.
• If this is passed, an entire generation will be able to breathe a little easier. There is no need or reason to have an entire generation saddled with debt before they're even hired for their first job.
• Please for once do something for the people that put you in office.
• This would help the five households sharing my one house.

Whatever, whiners! Debt is the American Way (for you to die poor, while the very few rich stomp your skulls for fun). USA! [Petition]