America's Worst Lawyer, Larry Klayman, Suing Clintons Again, Totally Gonna Nail 'Em Now!
At last, someone is brave enough to try, for the first hundredth time ever, to hold the Clintons accountable for being the Clintons. And surprise! It's the conservative group Freedom Watch, the brainfart of Larry Klayman, Esquire JD -- famous for such legal victories as having Barack Obama deported for faking his birth certificate and suing Rachel Maddow for defamation, a suit he did not actually win after all, but that's just because the clearly biased judge was a Jew. And a lady. What a bitch.
But Klayman will never give up, nor will he ever surrender, in his lifelong pursuit to put Bill Clinton's penis in jail, so he's filed yet another surefire no-way-he-can-lose lawsuit:
The complaint, which lists Bill and Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Foundation as defendants, alleges the Clintons sold access to other U.S. government officials in return for donations to their organization, which they concealed, allegedly, by using a private computer server for her emails operated from their home in Chappaqua, New York.
The lawsuit contains so many indisputable "facts," we would not be surprised if the judge who reads it immediately stamps it "OBVIOUSLY GUILTY OF ALL CHARGES!" and awards Klayman a gold medal and a certificate of excellence in lawyering. Such as:
As Jennifer Rubin for The Washington Post reports: “The foundation of course provides luxury travel for Defendant Hillary Clinton and her spouse, a high-visibility platform and access to mega-donors. She is beholden in a meaningful sense to its donors.”
Everyone knows if the Washington Post's wingnut blogger "reports" her opinions, that's prima facie evidence that the Clintons did A Bad Thing. And, as the complaint makes clear, the Clintons have a long record of Bad Thing Doing, and then covering it up and refusing to give all their secrets to Freedom Watch. In case you'd forgotten:
This type of obstruction of justice is part and parcel to the Defendants’ way of operating, including Defendant Clintons’ sales of sleep-overs in the Lincoln Bedroom of The White House, the Clintons’ sale of Presidential pardons in return for campaign donations[.]
The lawsuit goes on for many many SOOO many pages, filled with all the standard complaints Freedom Watch has been whining about for, oh, what is it now? Two decades? Plus fresh new revelations about BENGHAZI! and how Hillary Clinton orchestrated that from her private email server, probably. And there are many paragraphs of strolling down memory lane about things Bill Clinton totally did and people he knew in the '90s -- shut up, Bruce Lindsey (who?) IS still relevant, ya know -- plus lots of citations to various articles by the New York Times, which prove:
Defendants could be charged and convicted of multiple, related violations of law which form a pattern and which violations are each potentially punishable by more than one year in jail constituting spoliation of evidence to avoid a subpoena.
They could be convicted and sent to prison. Really, it could happen! Even if all of the allegations in Klayman's lawsuit have already been explored and investigated a million times, mostly by Klayman, you never know when justice will finally catch up with the criminal enterprise known as The Clintons. As Klayman explained in a statement applauding himself for being the one and only brave American willing to look into this whole "growing email scandal" thing:
“What Hillary Clinton, her husband, and their foundation have done is nothing new. It is simply part of a criminal enterprise which dates back at least 10 years, all designed to enrich themselves personally at the expense of the American people and our nation. It's time, however, that they finally be held legally accountable[.]"
Maybe Bill and Hillary and Chelsea and their foundation and all their friends and neighbors really are guilty of stealing government documents and doing secret deals with Iran and China and criminally plotting the destruction of America, for their own financial gain, from their private basement server, and also Whitewater and Travelgate and all your favorite Clinton "scandals" that never panned out, except for The World's Most Infamous And Importantest Blowjob. It's not totally unpossible. But on the other hand, if Freedom Watch is making the allegations (for the trillionth time), it is probably a safe bet that this latest lawsuit, like all the others, isn't going to be their ultimate undoing. See ya in court, Mr. Klayman. Until a judge laughs her Jew ass off and tells you to fuck all the way off. Again.