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Angry Eagle Eats Ann Romney's Nipple

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We do not care if that nice Ann Romney's shirtcost $990. The lady is a billionaire or something, she can buy silken togs. (This, like the "private chef service" that so enraged the National Review when working mom Moochelle Obama dared avail herself of it, falls into the category of "aspirational wealth" that most working women would like, and mostly see no problem with!) No, here is what concerns us regarding that nice Ann Romney's sartorial choice: it also came with matching pants.


So if that screaming eagle up top is about to tear into that nice Ann Romney's poor defenseless right nipple, well, where exactly would the screaming eagle on her crotch be headed? These are the things that keep us up at night, worrying and fretting and pure-cold-sweating: that that nice Ann Romney might be attacked in her nethers by carnivorous birds with beaks and talons sharp, just so she can walk around looking like a human version of Stephen Colbert's studio. Oh, and also that she's got shitty taste, because gross. [Politico]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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If there is one thing that decrepit "rocker" Ted Nugent hates, it is gun-free zones. Over the years, he has insisted that they are very dangerous and pretty much the number one cause of mass shootings. They caused Columbine and mean "more body bags" and "more crime" and even "workplace violence"! They are "killing fields"! THEY ARE ALL THE BAD THINGS!

You see where we're going with this right?

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Oh hey, Maria Butina the Russian spy lady, you are still in jail!

Butina, who was arrested Sunday for being a Russian spy who infiltrated the NRA in order to infiltrate the GOP for her motherland, is supposed to appear in court this afternoon, and in advance of that, prosecutors have filed a really fun motion listing all the reasons Butina should be required to STAY IN JAIL until her trial, at which point she will be found guilty as a common Paul Manafort and have to go to so much more jail. In short, it is because she is a major flight risk, but the document is a much better read than that, and it has boning. Shall we give it a look?

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