Angry Screaming Patriot Pretty Sure Army Just Invaded Michigan, Has Video To Prove It
In Flint, Michigan, earlier this week, the U.S. Army was conducting some perfectly routine training exercises that involved pretending to do urban combat -- the kind of close-quarters fighting that poses some of the greatest risks to soldiers. Think Fallujah in 2004. So, like a fire department burning down a condemned house for practice putting it out, the Army got permission from the City of Flint to do some maneuvers among condemned buildings at a long-vacant junior high school. Problem is, when the Army unit changed its schedule, the city only gave a couple hours' advance warning to locals that there would be a bunch of loud booms coming from the old school as the Army practiced "attacking" it.
The noise attracted a couple of Alex-Jones-type "citizen journalists," who found an Army guy wearing civilian clothes and a headset, warning people away from the school buildings. Like any good Patriots fed a diet of paranoid stories about Obama's secret plans for martial law and attacking patriots, the brave Video Guy and his mostly silent sound man set about badgering the Army guy, who gave his name only as "Mike," about just what the hell was going on, and is the Army practicing to start "going after our own people?"
The unidentified Video Guy, who says he works for "AllPointsTV," directs an impressive stream of Authentic Paranoid Patriot Gibberish at Mike, who mostly seems concerned with keeping the civilians away from the building, several hundred yards away, so they won't be hit by any flying debris from the explosive charges being set off to simulate battle.
Video Guy: What're you guys doing this training for?
Mike: It's just to, uh, conduct some realistic training.
Video Guy: So in other words, to go after us.
Mike: (barely suppressing laughter) No, not at all.
VG: Who else you gonna go after?
Mike: I can direct you to the Public Affairs office...
Video Guy will have none of this, because he knows they'll just lie and give him the runaround. Oh, sure, Mike says everything's fine, but Video Guy is quite aware of Obama's plans to seize Texas, and maybe he wants to go after Flint, Michigan, too?
VG: So this is part of something connected to Jade Helm or something like that going on in the southwestern United States?
Mike: No, no, no, no...
VG: How is it not different? How is it not different?
Mike, clearly recognizing that there's no point in lecturing Video Guy on double negatives, explains, "I'm providing security so nobody gets hurt."
This is all the proof Video Guy needs for his GOTCHA: "So that later on they can hurt us more!"
Eventually, after a lot of vague yelling about how the Army, if that's even their real name, is up to some kind of no good, Video Guy runs out of steam, mutters that it's "very disconcerting" and that "the people have a right to know," and then, thank god, it's all over, without anyone being dragged off to a FEMA camp ... yet.
This is easily the most compelling footage shot in Flint since Michael Moore met that lady selling rabbits for pets or meat. We hope she'll be OK when Obama declares martial law.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.