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Ann Romney To Simper And Smirk And Make Love To Us All As Guest Host Of Good Morning America

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Set the recorders on your infernal machines, America! Egg Romney is trying to seduce you! On Oct. 10, which isnext Wednesday, she will show us all the charm and grace she has heretofore mislaid somehow (it was terribly careless of her, we're sure) and we will all finally realize that a Lady such as she could not but be married to a very fine fellow!


While Egg is guest-hosting for an ill Robin Roberts on Good Morning America, which of the many Eggs will ooze forth? The one who calls us "you people" or the one who tells us to "stop it!" No, we are sure she will be on her most ingratiating behavior and will not act the haughty miss to whom we've become so accustomed. Except if that rascally Greek fellow brings up Michelle Obama. She never has shit to say nice about That One.

[THR]

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You all remember the wire mother and cloth mother experiments on attachment from first-year psychology, right? In the 1950s, University of Wisconsin researcher Harry Harlow removed rhesus monkeys from their mothers shortly after birth, and, in various tests, placed them with surrogate "mothers" -- in the most famous comparison, one mother was made of wire mesh, and had a rubber nipple to dispense milk, but the other mother, which had no milk, was made with soft terrycloth and looked at least a little like a mommy monkey. Every single time, the baby monkeys would cling to the soft cloth mothers, going to the wire mother only when absolutely necessary to be fed. (There's a famous photo of one monkey clinging to its cloth mother and leaning waaaay over to nurse from the wire mother. Harlow later placed a wall between the two to prevent that.)

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I was in D.C. last week for the first time since Donald Trump proved that our electoral process is silly. It feels like Vegas now with all the images of Trump around. Then I remembered he has the same job as the guy in the Jefferson Memorial. I tried to rationalize it in my head: Jefferson had unprotected sex with enslaved women. Trump reportedly has unprotected sex with adult film stars who can more or less come and go as they please. I suppose that's an improvement.

But how did we get here? How did our institutions fail us? It's not so much that Trump is an unqualified, racist radish head. He's also ridiculously corrupt.

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