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STDs are not a laughing matter, you guys.


So, the penis of "family values" whore-creeper Josh Duggar has been mysteriously falling into unknown vagina parts lately, and we know they don't do sex education very good in fundamentalist Christian circles, but there are crotch crickets in those hills, and they can GET YOU. In fact, some crotch crickets might have been living in one of the vaginas Josh Duggar visited on his Ashley Madison American Vagina Tour, and they might have gotten on his peen. They can do that without him even knowing it! They could be like "We are just renting space on this peen, we don't want to live here, but we WOULD like to live in his wife's pants!" So lo and behold, the Duggar boy may have taken something gnarly home to his wife, who does NOT DESERVE THAT.

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It could be a simple case of the herp, or it could be something bad like syphilis, which, if untreated, can rot people's brains and kill them dead, like what (maybe) happened to Mozart. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE MOZART DO YOU, ANNA?

But guess who can sort that out for you? Planned Parenthood. They test men and women for STDs, in a nice, medical, clean NON-JUDGY way, and you can be sure they'll take care of you good, except that time yr Wonkette went for a routine HIV test and they left us in the waiting room for like an hour to GET SCARED, until they finally were like, "Oh you're still here? OUR BAD! No diseases in you, peace out!"

And while you're there, they'll also do other routine things you might need for your general lady health, like boob-lump checks and pap smears and whatnot! They'll even smear inside Josh's butt, in case things got adventurous with one of his lady-friends.

Another fun thing about Planned Parenthood is how you're not required to get an abortion every time you go. In fact, only 3 percent of PP's services are abortion-related, and they actually do a hell of a lot to help pregnant ladies get the care they need for themselves and the babies they are Planning to do Parenthood to. It's right there in the name!

So, in summary and in conclusion, Planned Parenthood is for everyone, and it's ALWAYS been for everyone, which is why everyone loves it. It's not just just for buying baby parts out of the back of a truck on the side of the highway anymore! So Anna Duggar should visit her local clinic, to make sure her shitty husband hasn't infected her vag with A Gross, and Josh Duggar should go there too, to get his Down Theres professionally cleaned, and hey, so should you, because why? Because you are a slut and you know it.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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