Another Day, Another Secret Service A**hole Gets Caught Being An A**hole

Attenion, U.S. Secret Service: You can stop now, really. The nation's opinion of you guys couldn't possibly get much lower, so would you please just stop trying? The latest horrorshow from the agency charged with keeping the president safe: Xavier Morales, a manager with the agency, has been put on leave and had his security clearance yanked after an alleged sexual assault on a female agent March 31. It's been what, all of two, maybe three, weeks since the last drunken Secret Service fuckup? Are they worried we'll forget about them?

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The woman told police and agency investigators that Morales, her boss, told her during the party at Capitol City Brewing Company that he was in love with her and would like to have sex with her, according to two people briefed on her statements. In the office later, she alleged, Morales tried to kiss her and grabbed her arms when she resisted, according to the two people briefed on her complaint. The woman alleged that the two scuffled until Morales relented.

You people really aren't doing a hell of a lot to restore the old image of the Secret Service as consummate, implacable professionals who'd gladly take a bullet to protect the Leader of the Republic, you know that?

At least this time around, it looks like the agency was awake enough to take the problem seriously and not just send the asshole home after shaking a finger at him and telling him to behave himself:

Late last week, the Secret Service took the unusual step of placing Morales on indefinite administrative leave and adding his name to an internal “do not admit” list prohibiting entry to the office, a Secret Service official said. The Secret Service also took away his gun and badge after agency investigators launched a preliminary review of the complaint[.]

Like the previous Secret Service Fuckup -- apparently they're working toward eventually having enough to make up a full deck of collector's edition playing cards -- this one followed a work-related party. In this case, the night of drinking was "held to celebrate Morales’s new assignment as head of the Secret Service’s field office in Louisville," apparently a plum assignment for people who want to advance in the agency. Unfortunately, Morales was a bit too eager to ask for a going-way present from a woman who was not interested in seeing his li'l Louisville Slugger.

And just in case you hadn't quite slapped your forehead enough this morning, there's this bit, which should sound depressingly familiar:

The security clearance division Morales helped oversee is responsible for determining when agents, through misconduct or other action, have jeopardized their security clearances and should lose their jobs. It also helps vet Secret Service job applicants for potential security issues.

So just like the military has a problem with rapey officers in charge of preventing sexual assaults, the secret service guy running the office that reviews security clearances isn't fit to have a security clearance. It's nice when things work out so neatly. Somebody should make a TV show about that sort of thing, like maybe a detective who specializes in serial killers who is himself a serial killer. Nahh, too farfetched.

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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