Another Family Values Congresscritter Caught Extramaritally Smoochy-Facing Aide (Updated!)
(Update: See end of post) Wonketteers, we think that maybe we are getting a tad jaded in our olde age (let's say we're about 37). We are no longer especially surprised to hear that a Republican politician who ran as a "family values" advocate has been caught in some extramarital canoodling; just about the only surprises in the particular example of Congressman Vance McAllister of Louisiana's 5th district are that the (alleged) affair is with a lady, and that he only made it slightly more than a month into his first term before getting caught on video. McAllister took office November 16, following a special election to replace Rep. Rodney Alexander, who left Congress to work in the Jindal administration. McAllister's local paper, the Ouachita Citizen "obtained the video recording from an anonymous source," and it allegedly shows a long close embrace between McAllister and Melissa Anne Hixon Peacock, his district scheduler, two days before Christmas 2013.
Honestly, our only question would be, is Ouachita pronounced "Watch it, aw" or "Ooh, a cheata"?
According to the Citizen, the videotaped kissing incident "occurred at roughly 1:39 p.m. on Dec. 23, 2013, inside McAllister’s congressional office ... in Monroe." Here's the video, which is not, we swear, a screencap of the Blair Kiss Project.
The paper also reports that Ms. Peacock and her husband each contributed $5,200 to McAllister's congressional campaign; Ms. Peacock had worked with the campaign during the fall election, and took a job in the Congressman's office after he was sworn in.
Needless to say, McAllister made much of his faith and family while seeking election:
Throughout last fall’s congressional campaign, McAllister, a Republican from Swartz, touted his Christian faith and in one television commercial, he asked voters to pray for him. At least two other campaign television commercials featured McAllister walking hand in hand with his wife, Kelly, while their five children walked along. One television commercial captured the McAllister family in the kitchen of their home preparing breakfast before attending church.
McAllister and the Peacocks were apparently close friends; before he ran for Congress, Vance McAllister worked with Heath Peacock at Mustang Engineering, an oil and gas company, and the two families appear together in photos posted to Facebook by Kelly McAllister.
And wouldn't you know it, part of the reason that McAllister did so well in the special election was that he was endorsed by Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson; Willie Robertson also recorded a YouTube video and a robocall message urging voters to support McAllister. In January, Willie Robertson was McAllister's guest at the State of the Union Address, also, too. It is not known if the Robertson brothers intend to explain publicly that adulterers are damned to the eternal lake of fire, just like gays and people who teach evolution.
Update: Rep. McAllister issued the following statement/apology Monday afternoon, apparently taken from the fill-in-the-blanks section of So! You've Been Caught In a Sex Scandal!
"There's no doubt I've fallen short and I'm asking for forgiveness," McAllister said in a statement. "I'm asking for forgiveness from God, my wife, my kids, my staff, and my constituents who elected me to serve. Trust is something I know has to be earned whether your a husband, a father, or a congressman. I promise to do everything I can to earn back the trust of everyone I've disappointed."
"From day one, I've always tried to be an honest man. I ran for congress to make a difference and not to just be another politician. I don't want to make a political statement on this, I would just simply like to say that I'm very sorry for what I've done."
"While I realize I serve the public, I would appreciate the privacy given to my children as we get through this.
We like the bit about asking privacy for his kids, because everybody knows that reporters go after the disgraced politician's children, right? Media vultures. We expect the next bit of boilerplate to include something about wanting to spend more time with his family, although there's also even odds on the sudden occurrence of a family health emergency, you understand how it is.
Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He knows that the secret is to never claim that you're a bigtime moral dude in the first place.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.