Hey, Georgia does have a Springfield...

A whole lot of money and political energy has gone into the big special election run-off between Democrat Jon Ossoff and Republican Karen Handel coming up next Tuesday. The race for the sixth congressional district seat formerly held by Tom Price, before he went off to help dismantle the nation's healthcare system, is probably the best chance for Democrats to take a seat in the House this year. Oh, there is one tiny problem: Georgia seems to have absolutely wretched security for its electronic voting machines. Not that anything will go wrong, because the state has taken careful measures to ignore people warning of potential problems. Say, did we mention Georgia's voting machines don't leave any paper trail, either?

The story of Georgia's sad sorry voting security is one of those things that will leave your face a little fatigued from all the times you raise your eyebrows and drop your jaw, starting with what cybersecurity researcher Logan Lamb discovered last August when stories of Russian hacking of state election systems became known. Logan heard there might be concerns about Georgia's election security, so he went to check out the website for the Center for Election Systems at Kennesaw State University, which handles the job of making sure all the state's voting machines are in good working order. He got a bit of a surprise:

“I was just looking for PDFs or documents,” he recalls, hoping to find anything that might give him a little more sense of the center’s work. But his curiosity turned to alarm when he encountered a number of files, arranged by county, that looked like they could be used to hack an election. Lamb wrote an automated script to scrape the site and see what was there, then went off to lunch while the program did its work. When he returned, he discovered that the script had downloaded 15 gigabytes of data.

“I was like whoa, whoa. … I did not mean to do that. … I was absolutely stunned, just the sheer quantity of files I had acquired,”

Whoops! After state elections officials didn't seem terribly interested in the problems he uncovered, Lamb went public with what he found in hope that public pressure might move them to tighten things up. A government-accountability group sued the state last month, calling for the state to use only paper ballots in this month's election; the motion was denied last week under the state's doctrine of sovereign immunity -- you can't sue the government without its permission. Besides, early voting had already started for the runoff.

Now, Lamb and other security wonks haven't shown that the state actually has been hacked -- just that its election systems are outdated and could be vulnerable in a number of ways which we won't detail here, because Yr Wonkette is more in the business of making jokes about entirely different hardware and software, if you know what we mean and we think you do. Suffice it to say there are a lot of potential security holes (HA!) that could give hackers a backdoor (teehee) into Georgia's antiquated touch-screen voting machines, which all use that same software. It would be quite possible for hacks to be made without even leaving detectable traces of the tampering. Fun, huh?

It's also not known whether Georgia is among the 39 states whose election systems were hacked last year, as discovered by Bloomberg politics. It's also worth noting that, when Homeland Security offered last year to help states upgrade their election computer systems' security, Georgia was one of only two states to say "no thanks, we're fine":

“[B]ecause of the DNC getting hacked—they now think our whole system is on the verge of disaster because some Russian’s going to tap into the voting system,” Secretary of State Brian Kemp told Politico at the time. “And that’s just not—I mean, anything is possible, but it is not probable at all, the way our systems are set up.”

Reassuring! Also, if you read the Politico report, POSSIBLY completely untrue!

Also worrisome: When Logan Lamb went to the Center for Elections Systems with the problems he found, he got a polite thank you and a warning from executive director Merle King. King said he'd definitely get the server fixed, but also told Lamb to keep quiet about the problems, and especially not to talk to the media:

“He said, It would be best if you were to drop this now,” Lamb recalls. King also said that if Lamb did talk, “the people downtown, the politicians … would crush” Lamb.

And here's a huge surprise: The center neglected to notify the secretary of state's office about the security problems, either. Not only that, but in March, Chris Grayson, another security researcher, found that while some vulnerabilities on the website had been fixed, others hadn't. Oops. When Grayson told a friend at Kennesaw State, word went up through various offices until eventually it reached the secretary of state and the governor. Obviously, there was a problem, so swift action was taken: The FBI was sicced on Lamb and Grayson to see if they'd committed a crime (they hadn't). Lamb was told to delete the files he'd accidentally downloaded, and he did.

Not to worry, says Georgia: Since the voting machines and the software that runs them aren't connected to the internet, so there's no way to hack them. Which doesn't at all explain why Lamb found those voter files from the secure system on the center's website, but that one server has been shut down, so please stop making a big deal about all this, OK?

And wait, just one more thing, from last year: When DHS offered to help Georgia protect its systems, it got a BIG OL' HISSYFIT in response. First they accused DHS of hacking them and then:

Georgia was one of only two states in the country that refused assistance offered by DHS in the run-up to last month’s race, Cyberscoop reported, notwithstanding heightened concerns from coast to coast at the time over the possibility of the contest being sidelined by a cyberattack. [...]

“We basically said we don’t need DHS’s help,” [Kemp Chief of Staff David] Dove said, because the state had already obtained the assistance of a third-party cybersecurity firm.

The office of the Georgia Secretary of State declined to say who exactly the state has sought out for its cyber assistance, but that the the company “analyzes more than 180 billion events a day globally across a 5,000+ customer base which includes many Fortune 500 companies,” Cyberscoop reported.

We're just going to assume the third-party cybersecurity firm Georgia refuses to name is Kaspersky. Sound right to you?

Go read the full article; it may well leave you whomperjawed. And while you're at it, you might also enjoy this WaPo piece on how Karen Handel asked for a review of Georgia's election cybersecurity when she was secretary of state -- and then apparently did exactly nothing with the final report, which found -- you guessed it! -- vulnerabilities that could leave election systems open to hacking. Here's a nifty little excerpt!

Asked about the data breach, Handel’s campaign deferred questions to Rob Simms, who was deputy secretary of state for much of Handel’s term and is now working to elect her to Congress.

“You’re asking if we ever ‘responded’ to a report/study that was done more than 10 years ago?” Simms asked. “Doesn’t make sense to me.”

Pfft, you nerds and your worries about "hacking"! What are you, a bunch of wacky tinfoil-hat-wearing conspiracy theorists? Now, let's get to the important stuff: When are Loretta Lynch and Hillary Clinton finally going to be indicted, huh?

[Politico / WaPo]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.

In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

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