Are Jeb And Dubya From The Same Family? A Wonksplainer
There are domains where science must not trespass!
Americans are an inquisitive people, always driven to seek out answers to the questions that matter, like "Is there proof of Albert Einstein's theorized gravitational waves?" or "How should we address the threat of global warming?" or "Is our children learning?" So it shouldn't be surprising that during the most recent Republican debate, South Carolinicans took to the Googles in large numbers to address a question that particularly vexed them:
America wants to know!
It seems like a reasonable enough question, especially since Jeb got into a big fight with Donald Trump about some perceived slight to Jeb's mama, who was a saint, a saint, you hear, but Jeb didn't spell it out and say that his mama was also Dubya's mama. This may be because deep down, he knows she's ashamed of him.
And so, as a service to our readers, Yr Wonkette is pleased to address the question:
Is Jeb Bush somehow related to former president George W. Bush?
That's what we hear, at least.
No really, how do we know Jeb Bush is related to George W.?
So you're saying they're related, somehow?
You might think so. We do know that Jeb was very proud when his son endorsed him, although his dad and brother (whoever they are) weren't all that sure.
Is Jeb Bush related to George H.W. Bush?
We think so, although the evidence that HW ever had a very high opinion of Jeb is sparse, seeing as how he told a biographer,
“The whole idea that Jeb was the favourite one because he was more knowledgeable – that’s all bullshit. Nothing to it.”
Are you sure Jeb Bush is related to George W. Bush?
Did you make up any funny jokes about the other Bushes defending Jeb?
We at least assumed George would say he wasn't worried about Trump's attacks on Jeb, and would brush them off by saying "Hell, Mom says lots meaner stuff about the little turd."
Are there other amazing parallels between Jeb Bush and George W. Bush, assuming they're related?
George W. spent billions bombing Iraq for no good reason. Jeb spent millions for no good reason and bombed in Iowa and New Hampshire.
Do you have a hilarious screenshot to prove that people really wondered whether Jeb Bush is related to George W. Bush?
Holy crap -- you mean South Carolinese also don't know what party Jeb's in?
That would appear to be the case. We did a little extra looking into top questions Googled in South Carolina and found that Palmetto Staters also wanted information on "Asian lesbian big tits"; "What kind of dinosaur did Jesus ride?"; "Is Beyoncé black?"; "How do I get bloodstains out of carpet?"; "Is Jeb Bush lesbian?"; and "Gravitational Waves General Relativity Ebony Porn."
Will this confusion be helped by George W. campaigning for Jeb?
You might hope so. Dubya appeared with his alleged brother at a campaign event in Charleston Monday, and subtweeted the heck out of Donald Trump without naming Trump -- or as he's known in South Carolina Google searches, "New York shout hair man" -- in comments aimed at building support for Jeb:
"I understand that Americans are angry and frustrated, but we don’t need someone in the Oval Office who mirrors and enflames our frustration," former President Bush said. "In my experience, the loudest person in the room is not always the strongest person in the room."
Did that help Jeb any?
We're not so sure. The top trending Google query in South Carolina is now "Where can I vote for George W. Bush?"
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.