Arizona Fraudit Ninjas Search For Fraud, Find COVID
What could possibly make this Arizona fraudit more ridiculous? It's being run by a company with no election experience that is literally named Cyber Ninjas. They've aimed UV lights at the ballots to search for "Chinese" bamboo forgeries. They've damaged $2.8 million of voting equipment and thrown a hissy fit because the county won't allow them to compromise the security of its entire network by handing over the routers. And the so-called Ninjas have bollixed the most basic security measures, including failing to maintain chain of custody and letting the auditors loose on the actual ballots armed with blue and black pens — an absolute violation of protocol because it allows the ballots to be marked up by the examiners.
You'd think that nothing could make this exercise more preposterous. But you would be wrong! Because yesterday, when this team of grifting goobers was supposed to hand in their book report, Arizona Senate President Karen Fann, the mastermind behind this debacle, announced that we'd all just have to wait a little longer.
Today we are receiving a portion of the draft report from the election audit analysis team. The team expected to have the full draft ready for the Senate today, but unfortunately Cyber Ninjas CEO Doug Logan and two other members of the five person audit team tested positive for COVID-19 and are quite sick. In addition to the illnesses, It wasn't until Thursday that the Senate received the images of the ballot envelopes from Maricopa County and are hoping to have those analyzed as soon as possible to incorporate those results into the final report. The Senate legal team will meet Wednesday to start reviewing the draft report, and when the remainder of the draft is submitted, the Senate team will hold another meeting to continue checking for accuracy, clarity, and proof of documentation of findings. Once that is complete, the final report will be presented to the Senate jJudiciary Committee and findings released to the public.
Translation: The "auditors" caught COVID when they were doing all that heavy breathing trying to gin up proof of fraud in Maricopa County's 2.1 million ballots.
CNN reports that "Logan and other members of his team were often seen during the recount process without masks. It is not clear whether those who tested positive had been vaccinated." Of freakin' course.
Don't ya just hate it when your election hoax gets kneecapped by your globalist pandemic hoax?
And Fann's story about not getting those envelope images is the subject of some dispute.
Your Wonkette is in no position to say which party is correct here, but we will note that Fann and her team have made similar allegations about missing data before, only to be proven wrong, because they are kinda shit at the cyber. And now Fann and her legal team get to massage that ninja "draft" for a couple weeks in private while Doug Logan, conspiracy theory aficionado, is recuperating. Convenient, huh?
This whole sorry exercise will doubtless lead to nothing but a vague suggestion of suspicious ballots or some such smoke and mirrors. But in the meanwhile it's inspired Pennsylvania Republicans to go balls to the wall with their own fraudit. Because stupidity, like COVID, is contagious.
"I don't necessarily have faith in the results," Senate President Pro Tempore Jake Corman told Trump-loving talkshow host Wendy Bell in an interview reported by the Philadelphia Inquirer. "I think there were many problems in our election that we need to get to the bottom of."
"We need to get the voter rolls, we need to get the ballots — things of that nature — so we can match them up to see: who voted, where were they living, were they alive," he added later, reviving the old canard of dead voters in Philadelphia.
And so we wish Doug Logan and his ninjas a speedy recovery. We're sure after a few milliliters of horse dewormer they'll be right as rain.
WE KID! Do not take animal drugs, no, not even if you are a shameless hack bent on destroying faith in democracy.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.