Arizona Republican Resigns Just For Trying To Save America With Rice And Beans And No Babies For Poors
Russell Pearce is a man with a vision. He is also a man with an AM radio show. The recalled Arizona Senate leader, architect of the "papers please" immigration law -- and, until his sudden resignation late Sunday night, state GOP vice chair -- recently took to the airwaves to fantasize about what it would be like if he was in charge, free to save America from the scourge of the needy with the help of home TV inspections and forced sterilizations.
Unfortunately, some people (Democrats and The Media, of course) took his radio comments completely out of context, as Democrats and The Media are always doing, forcing him to resign for the good of the Republican Party:
In his statement, Pearce wrote that during a recent radio show there "was a discussion about the abuses to our welfare system" and he "shared comments written by someone else and failed to attribute them to the author."
"This was a mistake," Pearce stated. "This mistake has been taken by the media and the left and used to hurt our Republican candidates."
He wrote he does not want Democrats and reporters "to try and take a misstatement from my show and use it to attack our candidates."
If only he'd given proper attribution for his Save America plan and added "... said Hitler," none of this would be happening.
Raw Story laid out Russell's plans for the future of entitlement programs. First, he'd get all the poor people verifiably sober, and the lady poors would have to be fixed to be sure they couldn't make any baby poors. (Russell would never suggest vasectomies for poor guys. That would be barbaric.)
You put me in charge of Medicaid, the first thing I’d do is get Norplant, birth-control implants, or tubal ligations. Then we’ll test recipients for drugs and alcohol, and if you want to [reproduce] or use drugs or alcohol, then get a job.
Don't forget those food-stamp cards that let the poor shop at grocery stores where they just load up on steak and that hallmark of high living, frozen pizza. Russell would put a stop to that. They could have enough to not starve theoretically, but nothing fancy!
No cash for Ding Dongs and Ho Hos. You’d only get money for 15-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and powdered milk – all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want a steak or frozen pizza, then you’d have to get a job.
Once cut off from their ill-gotten supply of babies and red meat, poor people in Russell Pearce's America would be moved into utilitarian bunkhouses and watched closely to be sure they were keeping things tidy, but not too nice.
Ever live in a military barracks? You’ll maintain your property in a clean, good state of repair, and your home will be subjected to an inspection at any time, possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or an X-Box 360, then get a job.
Don't call Russell Pearce heartless, because he knows all about being unemployed. He tragically lost his job as state Senate leader back in 2011 just for being a hideous wretch of a legislator who was despised even in his right-wing district. When he was out of work, Russell didn't rely on money from the government to support his family! (Except for the fat government pensions he continues to collect to this day.) After a failed bid at reclaiming his seat, he invested what little he had in a scorched-earth campaign, including robocalls, to get elected as unpaid second-in-command of the state GOP. He also kept himself busy freelance-hating immigrants with a group of people nice enough to still call him "Senator."
Poor people without jobs should be go-getters like Russell! A mere three years after he was turfed out as the top Republican in the legislature, he overcame prejudice to score a sweet job with an $85,000 salary, starting with four months of paid vacation, at the Treasurer's Office in Maricopa County (also home to Joe Arpaio, America's Sheriff). This vital position, eliminated five years earlier and then "re-created" just for Russell, put him in charge of promoting a program that provides assistance to needy senior citizens. At least these drains on society are unlikely to reproduce, with Russell diligently verifying that they aren't wasting their money on X-Boxes and non-surplus cheese.
Russell will have more time to dedicate to throwing government money at the problem of impoverished elders, which he taught us on the radio that really "the community" should be handling, now that he is no longer Numba Two with the state Republicans and all his old friends are suddenly not so keen on his irreverent wisdom.
Hours earlier, GOP attorney general nominee Mark Brnovich issued a stronger statement, saying Pearce's remarks "are unrepresentative of the Republican Party I know."
"The notion that government would force sterilization upon anyone is counter to everything I believe about individual liberty and contrary to the founding principles of a free nation," Brnovich's statement said. "Comments that demean the plight of the poor, including women in the dual role of mother and economic provider, are not conservative; they're cruel. And I reject them."
Several other Republican candidates also criticized Pearce's comments by late Sunday evening, including Congressional candidate Martha McSally and Michele Reagan.
"Russell Pearce's ignorant, hateful comments are insulting to women everywhere," McSally posted on her Twitter account. "He needs to resign or be removed from office immediately."
Reagan called for Pearce to resign on her Twitter post: "The obnoxious comments made by Russell Pearce were both disgusting and offensive. Let it be known, he is NOT the voice of my GOP. #Resign!"
And now, please enjoy a video of dedicated public servant Russell Pearce saying "scrotum" a bunch of times to illustrate how much he loves this great land of ours.
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