Arizona Wingnut Senator: We Can’t Make You People Go To Church, So Have Some Guns Instead

Look, all you screamy liberals, Arizona state Sen. Sylvia Allen is NOT introducing legislation to make going to church on Sunday mandatory, so stop your exaggerating and whining. She just thinks that such a mandate would be an excellent idea, is all.

During Senate debate on House Bill 2320, which would allow Arizonans to carry concealed weapons just about everywhere -- including schools, hospitals, and other public buildings -- Sen. Allen explained there is no logical reason to oppose the bill, because God and moral decline. This is just simple Reason, OK?

Allen said, “Probably we should be debating a bill requiring every American to attend a church of their choice on Sunday to see if we can get back to having a moral rebirth,” adding “that would never be allowed.”

Sen. Allen is no dummy. She knows godless liberals who have hijacked our nation and taken God out of the public schools would never let that happen, so it's merely an ideal law she'd like to see if she had her druthers, not a real proposal for legislation. Liberals need to just get their fancy organic hemp-fiber solar-powered hybrid panties out of a wad, OK?

The senator is something of an expert on moral decline, seeing as how her son-in-law lost his job as a county jail guard due to completely untrue claims that he'd traded cigarettes for a blowjob from a female prisoner. Having a family member so unjustly persecuted led her to introduce legislation to protect law enforcement officers from being investigated too thoroughly, so no one else would have to suffer unjustly. We bet the conspiracy against her precious son-in-law never would have happened if all the liars at the county jail had been required to go to church like her son-in-law does.

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So you see, Sen. Allen was merely pointing out why people need concealed weapons, if they can't be forced to attend church.

"I believe what's happening to our country is that there's a moral erosion of the soul of America," she said, and that is why we all need to protect ourself from the crimers and atheists and Planned Parenthood volunteers who make women have abortions without telling them they can be reversed.

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Sen. Allen clatter clarified to the Arizona Capitol Times that the mandatory church idea was a "flippant comment," even though she does wish America was more like it was in the 1950s:

“People prayed, people went to church,” she said in explaining her views.

“I remember on Sundays the stores were closed,” Allen said. “The biggest thing is religion was kicked out of our public places, out of our schools.”

And that, children, is why we need guns everywhere. If only the country were as idyllic as during Sen. Allen's childhood (she was born in 1947, and so she knows how excellent the 1950s were), then maybe it wouldn't be necessary. But we live in a sad fallen world where church and state are separated, teen pregnancy rates are lower than they were in the 50s (but the little sluts are no longer forced to get married or go "visit an aunt" for nine months and then come home strangely depressed), and negroes have moved into what used to be nice neighborhoods, like the White House. So short of a moral rebirth that restores an America that never existed, we need guns.

We'd ask Sen. Allen if she'd also like to see a return to the marginal income tax rates of the Eisenhower years, but we're a bit worried she'd either shoot or outlaw us.

[ / KPHO / Arizona Capitol Times]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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