You know what’s tough? Having gay marriage crammed down your throat. It’s uncomfortable if you are not used to it (just breathe through your nose). But what if there was a reacharound workaround that could un-cram that gay marriage? It would have to be completely illogical and a legal stretch, but hey, we think that bigotry and homophobia are up to the challenge! Right, Arkansas?

The circuit court did not issue a ruling with regard to Ark. Code Ann. $ 9-11-208(b) (Repl. 2009), 'License not issued to persons of the same sex.' Therefore, the circuit court's order has no effect on Ark. Code Ann. S 9-11-208(b) and its prohibition against circuit and county clerks issuing same-sex marriage licenses.

BAM! Looks like the gay agenda just got Hetero-lawyered! You are allowed to get married, but you can’t get the marriage license that allows you to get married, so suck it! And by suck it, we mean literally suck it, but not in the sanctified-by-god-or-the-state-way. Let’s same-sexplore.

This whole kerfuffle started when an Arkansas judge ruled that discrimination is bad, because 2014 and holy fuck why is this still an issue, even? While some county clerks (we’ll call them the heroes) started handing out marriage licenses to any old Adam and Steve who walked up, others (we’ll call them bigoted assholes) waited until the Arkansas Supreme Court weighed in, hoping for a stay, meaning no marriage licenses until further review. At first glance, it looked like a victory for our heroes and a defeat for bigoted assholes:

Today, the Supreme Court ruled that there would be no stay…

Woo-hoo! Get your unnatural freak on! But then they said that the previous ruling did not even mention the whole issue of gay marriage licenses, so ipso homo facto, no gay marriage in Arkansas! Which is exactly what state Circuit Judge Chris Piazza must have had in mind when he called the ban on gay marriage unconstitutional. What else could the state Supreme Court have concluded from phrases like:

Regardless of the level of review required, Arkansas’s marriage laws discriminate against same-sex couples in violation of the Equal Protection Clause because they do not advance any conceivable legitimate state interest necessary to support even a rational basis review.

And

It has been over forty years since Mildred Loving was given the right to marry the person of her choice. The hatred and fears have long since vanished and she and her husband lived full lives together; so it will be for the same-sex couples.

It is time to let that beacon of freedom shine brighter on all our brothers and sisters. We will be stronger for it.

Looks like Arkansas will have to wait just a little longer for that beacon of freedom to shine, as the Arkansas Supreme Court just smeared homophobic shit all over it. As The Wire noted, this is “like saying it's legal to drive a car, but illegal to have one.”

Congrats to the 456 couples who married before the Arkansas Supreme Court decided to be dickish assholes. With apologies to Dr. King, we’d like to take that moral arc of the universe and shove it justly up the ass of the judges who keep finding stupid reasons to deny marriage equality.

[The Wire / Equality On Trial / Daily Kos]

Follow DDM on Twitter (@Wonksplainer), who encourages you to fight back by donating to causes like Get Equal or other good folks.