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Arlen Specter Has Creepy, Sexy Thoughts About Sarah Palin's Knees

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Poor old fart Arlen Specter spent thirty years ambling around the Senate floor sneaking up on slow-moving colleagues and torturing them with sermons on political moderation, so we expressed a duly moderate skepticism when the Huffington Post promised us the "steamiest moments" from Specter's new memoir, about politics. Because, since when do Supreme Court nomination fights make anyone horny? (Quiet down, Chuck Grassley.) But okay, let us fap along to Arlen's memories: "Still, she [Sarah Palin] was a total charmer, very friendly. The few things she said were intelligent. We were sitting virtually knee to knee in the cramped bus, and she radiated sensuality. Her skirt rode above her knees -- not exactly short, but close." GAH. Unfap! Unfap!


Interesting choice of context-bare excerpt, though, HuffPo. What revolting thing did Sarah Palin do to make "Still..." the appropriate segue? Let's go check the manuscr-- eh, fuck it. Probably it was something like, "When I first met Sarah Palin, she was licking the leftover sour cream off a stack of Taco Bell taco supreme wrappers. Still, she was a total charmer..." or maybe even "When I first met Sarah Palin, she was high on Xanax and walking around wearing a crown of moose antlers. Still, she was a total charmer..."

We are unsure whether we are supposed to be mad at the left or the right for SEXISM against Palin, since Specter left the Senate as a Democrat but was a Republican at the time he met her. Let's just say it all evens out, because Specter included his creepy thoughts about naked John Thune, too:

"[Sen.] John Thune, who looked like a movie star in or out of clothes, was constantly stretching. His lanky body seemed to have some kinks to iron out."

Everyone just be thankful naked Joe Lieberman didn't come up. [HuffPo]

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Ann Coulter is not impressed with Donald Trump's presumptuous plan to stop ripping babies away from their mothers and sending them to infant prison. For quite a while, Ann has been obsessively lamenting the very idea that American people even have children to "fill their lives with joy," but now (lol, "now") Ann has shifted her rage to immigrant people. Every time you watch her waving her alien-length arms around in a ritualistic frenzy over how shitty liberals are, just remember that we have already seen the emptiness of her soul laid bare. Remember that time she wanted to eat your baby because you got a tax credit?

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Screenshot- Right Wing watch via Fox News
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It's just another Wednesday in an America that snatched kids from their parents and locked them up in old Walmarts. Trump just signed an unneeded executive order ending his heinous child separation policy, but his "the bad guy mobster in a mobster movie" tactics might've had some permanent damage. What remains of the shriveled-up soul of the grand old poor-screwing Republican party has finally had enough.

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