Aryan Bigot Twins Wish Gays Would Stop Banging Guys Who Aren't Their Dads Or Jesus
It's been a hot minute since we've checked in with David and Jason Benham, the Aryan bigot identical twins who became wingnut folk heroes when HGTV did the Holocaust to them by taking away their TV show, due to how they are bigots. And they had such a gimmick too! They're chiseled, they're blond, and they always look like they might accidentally start having sex with each other at any given moment. Move over, Property Brothers!
Anyway, just like they were the last time we visited with them, the Benham boys are gazing deeply into each other's eyes and bitching about gay people. As Right Wing Watch reports, this is the "David" one talking, as if they somehow are separate people:
We’ve deconstructed gender [...] It’s an ultimate attack on the Creator … So this is where we find ourselves as a culture, is in a depraved mind where we’re celebrating and even forcing others to participate in immorality.
The Benham boys do not like it when the gays force them to participate in immorality. They wrote about this extensively in a WorldNetDaily column a while back, wherein they found themselves surrounded by a mob of homosexuals who were doing gay attacks to them with their throbbing "vine," and only Jesus can ride in naked on a white horse and save them. It was a homoerotic retelling of the Sodom and Gomorrah story as far as we could tell, but we're willing to consider the possibility it was just something that happened to the Benham boys at a bathhouse one time.
ANYWAY. Tell us about the gays dressing up like Satan and having daddy issues:
[God-Jesus] wants us to have life and this whole deconstruction of gender, this whole redefinition of marriage, all of these things is a mask for Satan who is robbing and killing and destroying these people that desperately want life. They want to seek the love of a father, trying to find it in the arms of another man and they’ll never find it there.
This seems like a good time to remind y'all that the Aryan Bigot Twins were spermed into life by their daddy, who is rancid anti-abortion extremist Flip Benham. This guy, who heckles gay weddings and invades church services and screams at transgender people trying to take a pee. Yeah. Please tell us about OUR daddy issues, Benham boys, since we're sure your home life was totally normal.
Of course, some gays do have daddy issues, just like some people from all segments of society have daddy issues. Donald Trump has severe daddy issues. Jeb and Dubya Bush have severe daddy issues. But for some reason, nobody's telling THEM to stop banging guys.
Anyway, we'll check in with the Benham boys in another eight months or so, to see if they're still kvetching about the gays or if one of them has come out of the closet or something, who knows, whatever.