Ass, Gas Or Grass: Which Is Sarah Palin Offering Here?
Sarah Palin's teevee show is back! Maybe it was on last night? We do not know and we would not have put it on our eyeballs anyway. BUT! We did watch this trailer for it, because Sarah Palin is hanging her ass out like, when is she not? Anyway, it is awful. Live it with us!
Sarah Palin is somewhere with rocks. Arizona maybe! Jan Brewer is not the governor of Arizona any more, and we are sad. Cactus music plays. Sarah Palin is hitch-hiking! But oh no, she is wearing patchouli clothes and a vest and a long skirt and nobody will stop for her because nobody wants to do sex on middle-aged hippies :(
Sarah Palin is sad, standing at the side of the road. Maybe a truck stop would be better, Sarah Palin?
But Sarah Palin has a plan, and it is NOT offering up her wares in a truck stop! It is this:
Sarah Palin is going into her "bag of tricks" and pulling things out, willy-nilly! What will she find???
She will find some shitkickers emblazoned with the good ol' US of A! Sarah Palin has many, many styles of footwear with the American flag. But these might have been even better in getting people to stop and offer her a "ride" (mustache rides, five cents)?
Oh, no, we guess the boots will do, as long as the camera focuses on Sarah Palin's butt, thighs, sideboob and more sideboob.
Now that she is wearing tight jeans instead of looking like a goldurn community college literature professor -- ewwwwww -- the Duke Boys have shown up to let Sarah Palin out of their dreams and into their car.
Oh-oh, that is not the Duke Boys! That is a cross-country trucker what picks up lot lizards and rapes them and murders them and throws them in a ditch. (He is on his day off. From truck-driving, not the rest of it.) We do not want that to happen to ANYBODY, not even Sarah Palin. Sarah Palin, GIRL, GET OUT THE CAR!!!!1!
And that is how Sarah Palin taught your daughter the pleasures and charms of seeing America the old-fashioned way: from the front seat of a convertible while wondering if your host will take "actually, I'd rather you didn't touch my breasts, but thank you for asking" for an answer!
Thumbs up, girls! And ass out! Amercia is waiting for you.
[h/t the inestimable TBogg]
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.