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Perennial Nevada looniebird Sharron Angle, who's pursuing another hilarious run for the U.S. Senate, would like us all to think about the coming metaphorical war for the soul of these United States, and whether we are prepared to fight it, metaphorically for now. She needs some brave souls who are ready to stand on the Constitutional battle lines with her, to pledge their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor to save America. Or, to translate from Wingnut Dialect to English, she wants money. In a special Easter message to her followers, Angle writes,

If she doubled the price, she'd only need to sell half as many!

Her fantastic 2010 run featured her memorable call for "Second Amendment remedies" if voting doesn't go the way The People want. This time, with Harry Reid retiring from the Senate, Angle is going up against a well-funded Republican candidate, U.S. Rep. Joe Heck, and isn't likely to make it past the primary. Unless God sends her a miracle in the form of her very own Gideon's army, 8000 of whom who will give her a million dollars by buying her crappy self-published book, A New Angle For America, at $125 a pop. That's for the paperback. If you want it in hard cover, then it's $500. So far, her campaign page -- designed to look a lot like a GoFundMe site -- says she's sold exactly two, so there are still copies available for lucky patriots.

So yes, she is Gideon and she is also General George Washington at Valley Forge, just waiting for someone to come along and fund the American Revolution. In general, we're not necessarily outraged or horrified when people make terrible analogies, because outlawing bad analogies would be just like what Hitler would do. But damn, "I feel like George Washington at Valley Forge" is pretty ballsy. Not to mention inaccurate. We're fairly certain Sharron Angle isn't starving in the snow or suffering from dysentery. And if you want to bother with details, General Washington wasn't trying to raise money from private donors; he was trying to get the Continental Congress to pay for food and supplies for his troops, which sounds an awful lot like he was dependent on Big Government.

Also, we're not too sure about her Gideon analogy, for that matter, seeing as how Gideon's problem was too many volunteers, whom he had to winnow down to a dedicated core of Godly fighters. Perhaps Angle's point is that she only wants the most fanatical devotees to help her, the kind of crazies who are willing to drink from a river by lapping at it with their tongues like dogs. Or pay $125 for a paperback book.

We bet Sharron Angle will be swimming in donations, though, considering her amazing people skills, as she demonstrated back in 2010 when she told a classroom full of Latino kids that they "look a little more Asian" than anything. Or the time in 2015 when she met a Hispanic man from the Republican National Committee and the first thing she thought to ask him was "Are you legal?" Nonetheless, she's back, and she's ready to provide us with plenty of entertainment until June 14, when she loses the primary to Joe Heck. Lord knows Democrats hope she'll stay around for a while longer. Nevada political reporter Jon Ralston jokes that the leading Democrat, former attorney general Catherine Cortez Masto, "has offered to do a fundraiser at her home for Angle." It seems like a pretty good idea, really.

[Jon Ralston on Twitter / Sharron Angle for Senate / Reno Gazette-Journal]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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