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At The Movies With Donald Trump: The Greatest, Classiest Review Of Dark Knight Rises

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Gelatinous swamp-thing Donald Trump has taken to his Youtube again, and the result is a veritable Cindy Adams column of nonsequiters from the new Batman movie (have you heard? There is a new Batman movie) to his nuanced take on Anthony Wiener's "sexual perversions" ("he was never good before and he really turned out not to be good") to OPEC to Obama's college transcripts. Only in New York, kids! Only in New York! But the Daily Caller, it seems,does not care for Trump's brand of narcissist thuggery (it's not as sophisticated a narcissist thuggery as Tucker Carlson's), and they make fun of him! Like this:


Trump explains that the masses have requested his thoughts on a variety of subjects, and he has decided to humor the people by bequeathing his film knowledge upon the plebeians.

Meow, Daily Caller, you catty bitch!

And like this:

“Many people have been asking me to review things, especially movies,” Trump says during his opening remarks. “So last night I went to the opening of ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ which is commonly known as ‘the Batman movie.’”

Thank you for that clarification, Mr. Trump, for without you we commoners would not have known that “The Dark Knight Rises” was the same as “the Batman movie.”

Anyway, here is a video of Trump yelling at the camera all derp derp derp. Because that is what your day was missing until now.

[DailyCaller, via Wonkette superoperative "chascates"]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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HOLY ACHTUNG TWITTER IS FREAKING OUT! Special Counsel Robert Mueller's office (SCO) has issued a statement, almost 24 full hours after Buzzfeed's story on Donald Trump ordering Michael Cohen to lie to Congress about the failed Trump Tower Moscow deal started blowing everybody's minds. Mueller's spokesman says actually BuzzFeed got it a bit wrong. This is significant because 1) Mueller's office NEVER talks, and B) well, they're not actually saying BuzzFeed got it WRONG wrong. Just, you know, kinda wrong.

Wow, that statement is lawyered as fuck. BuzzFeed described "specific statements" wrong, and its "characterization of documents and testimony" was just an eensy bit off, and maybe if BuzzFeed moved this sofa over here it would take advantage of more natural light in the room, and honestly, BuzzFeed should trim up this one paragraph of its article, because those sentences DO NOT SPARK MARIE KONDO'S JOY.

Otherwise, it's great!

First of all, we want everybody to relax. Donald Trump is still a criminal.

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It's been a joy watching the reactions come in from TrumpWorld about the news that Donald Trump has committed YET ANOTHER CRIME, in this case suborning perjury by instructing his former lawyer thug fixer Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. How many other people did he do that with? WE DUNNO! But that's not what this post is about.

First of all, let's see what the big guy himself did. As with all presidential statements from the un-president, it happened on Twitter:

Oh wait, that's (grapes) not it. Here it is:

That's right, the president of the United States reacted to a bombshell news report exposing that he had tampered with a witness by suborning perjury by ... tampering with that witness some more in public, by threatening his father-in-law! (To be fair, Trump has been trying to intimidate the witness by encouraging the feds to investigate Cohen's father-in-law for a hot minute now. It's one of his things, like tweeting and pooping at the same time and comparing WALL to WHEEL.)

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