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Barack Obama Is President Of Basketball

Barack Obama is trying to prove that he is a heterosexual male again, by playing sports. All we're seeing is some hapless middle-aged guy playing children's games when he should be talking about health care or jobs or whatever the hell else we don't have in this country. Your sporting youth is over, has-been! You're no Karl Malone or John Stockton or their biracial man-child! But Obama will never get over his high school glory days, and that is why he played basketball with the University of North Carolina's failure of a college basketball team today. More photos of this pathetic mid-life crisis below.


Look at him running like a goddamn golden retriever in hot pursuit of an orange treat. In this case, however, he is running away from Jeremiah Wright, who is giving a damaging press conference at the opposite end of the gymnasium. Run from your pastor, Barry! Run from the Culture Wars, straight into the arms of 12-foot-tall monster Tyler Hansborough!

Yes, sports aren't gay at all.

"Sorry boys -- that ring means I'm married. To a lay-dee folk."

[Pauses]

"My marriage is drowning me."

Here he is with Tar Heels' coach Roy Williams, who, like Barry, has spent a period of indentured servitude in Kansas. He's telling Williams that he knows more about basketball than any coach could ever Hope to. Elitist! The President must not know more about anything than anyone else.

Obama plays hoops at Tar Heels home in advance of Tuesday NC primary [Lynn Sweet]

AP Photos

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ProPublica released a recording yesterday of children in a Customs and Border Protection (CBP) detention facility crying for their parents after being subjected to the tender mercies of the New Cruelty.

The children are distraught, sobbing, inconsolable (not that the Border Patrol agents seem especially interested in consoling them). As ProPublica notes, "They scream 'Mami' and 'Papá' over and over again, as if those are the only words they know." You do not want to listen. But maybe you must.


One Border Patrol agent makes a very amusing joke as he hears all the children crying: "Well, we have an orchestra here [...] What's missing is a conductor."

Can anyone doubt that SS guards made similar jokes as children were unloaded from boxcars?

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Mark Sanford is all mopey because he just lost his cushy Congress job after Donald Trump said mean things about him on Twitter. This was not the expected ending of a distinguished career, which involved lying to his constituents as governor about his whereabouts because he was conducting a clandestine affair.

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