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Just in case you missed it, here's Your President Barack Barry Hussein Bamz Obama in his eighth and final appearance at the White House Correspondents' Dinner, and after doing this seven previous times, he has this stuff down. It's really pretty impressive. Sure, he's got a staff of talented people writing material for him, but his delivery is spot on from the very first moments -- "Eight years ago I said it was time to change the tone of our politics. In hindsight, I clearly should have been more specific" -- to the very last Trump joke. And there were a LOT of Trump jokes. He went out with style, and now that he's gotten really good at this, leaves us wondering if future presidents are going to be able to measure up. As he reminded us, "Next year at this time, someone else will be standing in this very spot, and it’s anyone guess who she will be." Watch it again and realize how much you're going to miss this guy.


Larry Wilmore's speech was much more a hit-or-miss matter. For one thing, he was following one of the best presidential comedy performances ever, and unlike the previous speaker, this was Wilmore's first WHCD. A lot of his jokes at the expense of the press were funnier to those of us at home to the stuffed shirts in the audience -- "A little bit about me: I am a black man who replaced a white man who pretended to be a TV newscaster. So yeah, in that way, Lester Holt and I have a lot in common" -- and unlike his delivery on "The Nightly Show," sometimes his timing was off. But when he connected, he was on target and devastating:

  • Some of America’s finest black journalists are here tonight. Don Lemon’s here, too.
  • Man, everybody hates Ted Cruz. Even OJ Simpson said, "That guy is just hard to like."
  • I can’t understand why everybody treats Donald Trump with kid gloves. Then I realize they’re the only gloves that will fit his stupid little baby hands.
  • Whenever I turn on the TV I see Trump's family campaigning for him, gushing all over him -- or as it's also known, "Morning Joe" ... "Morning Joe" has their head so far up Trump's ass they bumped into Chris Christie.

And then there was Wilmore's final heartfelt line to Obama, “Yo Barry, you did it, my nigga,” which should be good for at least three weeks of pure white-hot anger from Fox News and the Wingnutosphere. Oh look, here it is now! Thank goodness we'll get to have another round of angry white people whining that they can't say that word about the president, at least not in public, because The Blacks are so racist. Enjoy your National Conversation on Race, America!

[WaPo / RawStory]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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