OMG WE MISS BEN CARSON SO MUCH. Whereas he used to give us a Nugget Of Idiot like every two hours when he was running for president, now that he's just a lowly Donald Trump surrogate, we have to wait for him to throw crumbs at us. Oh here's a crumb!

Ben Carson was on CNN talking about how Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski has been charged with a misdemeanor for assaulting reporter Michelle Fields, formerly of Breitbart. Carson wants to know how is that a big deal even? Who among us has not been charged with beating up Michelle Fields at a Trump rally?

CARSON: I don't see any reason, quite frankly, that we should demonize him. If you can come up with a good reason I'll listen to it.

CNN ANCHOR JOHN BERMAN: Well look, he's been charged with misdemeanor assault in Florida. A lot of people think that is a reason.

CARSON: Well, I mean a lot of people have been charged with various things. That doesn't necessarily mean that we need to demonize them. You've probably been charged with something too, maybe with a misdemeanor or something. It doesn't mean that you're an evil, horrible person.

BERMAN: I actually haven't, as far as I know ...

And then the following moment happened, which was glorious. Here is a screengrab of Berman like "Uh no, not me" while his co-anchor lady is like "ARE YOU A CRIMINAL?" and Ben Carson takes a quick nap:


Berman's reaction on Twitter can be succinctly described as OMG LOL WTF:

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]We think we know where Ben Carson's broken brain is coming from here. He has explained that when people get beat up at Trump rallies, it's because they probably had it coming. Maybe he is under the impression that Michelle Fields looked at Corey Lewandowski funny, and deserved what she got!

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]And maybe probably also, Carson is confused about this because he is such a common criminal, as he has told us so many times! Remember how the good doctor is also a really good stabber, if we are to believe his own accounts of his life? Who did he stab? Nobody has a clue, including Dr. Ben Carson!

But he also beat his own mommy down with a hammer, ALLEGEDLY ACCORDING TO HIM, and also threw large boulders at fellow children, and so many other crimes too, who could even remember?

MAYBE he is the real Zodiac Killer? And he could have done the O.J. Simpson murders? DID HE DO BENGHAZI? Ben Carson does not remember. But maybe!

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]And then he gived his heart to Jesus and turned to a life of thwarting crimers wherever they lurked, whether they were trying to steal his Jaguar or they were robbing the Popeyes Organization at gunpoint and he stopped the violent crime by helpfully telling the robber, "I believe that you want the guy behind the counter."

The point is that Ben Carson is pretty sure everybody has a possibly made-up backstory about being a criminal. Is that not correct?

Life is very confusing when you are Ben Carson the Brain Surgeon, is what we are getting at.

[The Hill / John Berman on Twitter]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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