Ben Carson: Aren't We All Criminals, Just A Little Bit?


OMG WE MISS BEN CARSON SO MUCH. Whereas he used to give us a Nugget Of Idiot like every two hours when he was running for president, now that he's just a lowly Donald Trump surrogate, we have to wait for him to throw crumbs at us. Oh here's a crumb!

Ben Carson was on CNN talking about how Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski has been charged with a misdemeanor for assaulting reporter Michelle Fields, formerly of Breitbart. Carson wants to know how is that a big deal even? Who among us has not been charged with beating up Michelle Fields at a Trump rally?

CARSON: I don't see any reason, quite frankly, that we should demonize him. If you can come up with a good reason I'll listen to it.

CNN ANCHOR JOHN BERMAN: Well look, he's been charged with misdemeanor assault in Florida. A lot of people think that is a reason.

CARSON: Well, I mean a lot of people have been charged with various things. That doesn't necessarily mean that we need to demonize them. You've probably been charged with something too, maybe with a misdemeanor or something. It doesn't mean that you're an evil, horrible person.

BERMAN: I actually haven't, as far as I know ...

And then the following moment happened, which was glorious. Here is a screengrab of Berman like "Uh no, not me" while his co-anchor lady is like "ARE YOU A CRIMINAL?" and Ben Carson takes a quick nap:


Berman's reaction on Twitter can be succinctly described as OMG LOL WTF:

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]We think we know where Ben Carson's broken brain is coming from here. He has explained that when people get beat up at Trump rallies, it's because they probably had it coming. Maybe he is under the impression that Michelle Fields looked at Corey Lewandowski funny, and deserved what she got!

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]And maybe probably also, Carson is confused about this because he is such a common criminal, as he has told us so many times! Remember how the good doctor is also a really good stabber, if we are to believe his own accounts of his life? Who did he stab? Nobody has a clue, including Dr. Ben Carson!

But he also beat his own mommy down with a hammer, ALLEGEDLY ACCORDING TO HIM, and also threw large boulders at fellow children, and so many other crimes too, who could even remember?

MAYBE he is the real Zodiac Killer? And he could have done the O.J. Simpson murders? DID HE DO BENGHAZI? Ben Carson does not remember. But maybe!

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]And then he gived his heart to Jesus and turned to a life of thwarting crimers wherever they lurked, whether they were trying to steal his Jaguar or they were robbing the Popeyes Organization at gunpoint and he stopped the violent crime by helpfully telling the robber, "I believe that you want the guy behind the counter."

The point is that Ben Carson is pretty sure everybody has a possibly made-up backstory about being a criminal. Is that not correct?

Life is very confusing when you are Ben Carson the Brain Surgeon, is what we are getting at.

[The Hill / John Berman on Twitter]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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