'Hey, guys, everybody attack him. He...' BLAM!!

Ben Carson continues his hilarious winning strategy of telling America that the victims of last week's massacre were a bunch of pussies, because who in their right mind gets shot? That's so lame. He has either refused to consider that maybe shitting on victims of a massacre isn't a particularly smart strategy, or maybe he's decided that there are more rightwing morons who explain in internet comments how they'd take that shooter down than there are people who are appalled at his comments. He could be right about that, even. But in a Wednesday radio interview, he told a significantly different story about this one time when somebody pointed a gun at him:

"I have had a gun held on me when I was in a Popeye's organization" in Baltimore, the retired neurosurgeon told Karen Hunter on Sirius XM Radio, referring to the fried chicken fast-food chain.

"Guy comes in, put the gun in my ribs. And I just said, 'I believe that you want the guy behind the counter.'"

First off, leaving aside the dumb gun story for the moment, "a Popeye's organization"? Are they a subsidiary of the Tamaribuchi Heavy Manufacturing Concern? Meh, organization, establishment, whatever. But that's a pretty impressive contrast to what he told Fox News he'd say if confronted by a hypothetical mass shooter:

[Not] only would I probably not cooperate with him, I would not just stand there and let him shoot me. I would say, "Hey, guys, everybody attack him. He may shoot me, but he can’t get us all.”

Hmm... maybe the difference is that the gunman in the Popeye's was only intent on armed robbery, not murder, so Brave Sir Benjamin was perfectly willing to cooperate in that case -- it's certainly the Christian thing to do, like when Jesus said, "But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him and say, 'I think you meant to hit that other dude.'" If nothing else, we certainly learned that Ben Carson is an unfailingly polite fellow, pointing the robber to the correct victim.

Also on Wednesday, Carson told CBS This Morning host Norah O'Donnell that he hadn't heard of Chris Mintz, the student and military veteran who actually did rush the shooter at Umpqua Community College, although he was shot seven times, and, like a total loser, didn't succeed in taking down the gunman. Not that Mintz's heroism means Carson was wrong when he suggested that the victims were cowards or anything:

"That verifies what I'm saying," he went on to say. "That's exactly what should be done. And if everybody does that, the likelihood of him being able to kill as many people diminishes quite significantly."

Also, too, Carson explained that he has absolutely no interest in criticisms that he was insensitive toward those dead wusses in Oregon, complaining that we live in

"a culture now where people decide that everything you say, we need to set up battle lines and we need to get on this side of it or that side of it, rather than collectively trying to figure out how we can solve the problem."

"It's sort of an immature attitude, but it seems to be something that's rampant in America today," he added.

Honestly, can't a man suggest a completely practical solution to mass shootings without being called insensitive? You know who the real victim of all this finger-pointing is? Ben Carson. Don't cross him, or he'll take you down.

Unless of course there's someone else nearby he can suggest you should attack instead.

[CNN / Politico]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

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[Washington Post]

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