Ben Carson Didn't Fabricate His Entire Life Story, Obama Did!


Ben Carson is SO MAD, BROS AND LADY-BROS! He is being persecuted by all these liberal media types asking him quote unquote "questions" about his life story, and all the parts of it that don't quite add up, which is unfair because who among us can even remember what has happened in our own lives? Were you ever offered a full scholarship to West Point? WHO CAN SAY! Did you stab somebody when you were a kid, just to watch them die? COULD BE!

Ben Carson knows it is unfair to expect him, or anyone, to remember the pivotal moments of his life that he has written about and told repeatedly, which may or may not have actually happened. Brains, how do they even work? Dr. Ben Carson the neurosurgeon doesn't know.

On ABC, Mr. Carson, who hasn’t held public office, said no one could be expected to accurately retell events that occurred decades ago. “Please show me that person,” he said. “I will sit at their knee and I will learn from them.”

You thought yr Wonkette was kidding! And so here is a press conference, featuring Dr. Ben Carson, if that's even his real name. He finds it ridiculous that the media is looking into his many lies, when they NEVER NOT ONCE EVER questioned President Obama's life story and his so-called education:

Will someone tell me please why you have not investigated that? I wanna know. Why! Because I wanna know. You should wanna know too! If prez-ni-have-you, wait a minute! Hold on one minute! One second here. Now you're saying that something that happened with the words, a scholarship was offered, is a big deal, but the president of the United States, his academic records being sealed, is not ...

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You'll notice from the transcript that Ben Carson loses all grasp of the English language when he is mad, lending further credence to Wonkette's Broken Brain Theory Of Ben Carson, which is that at some point in his life, possibly in a Popeyes Organization, or maybe inside one of those big Egyptian grain silos back behind the Sphinx (modeled after Jesus's kitty cat), his brain got broken.

I never said I received a full scholarship. Don't lie!

While Dr. Carson has repeatedly claimed he was "offered a full scholarship" to West Point -- which never happened -- that's entirely different from the biased LIES the media is now telling, which is that Carson's repeated claims of being offered a full scholarship to West Point are not true. Stop lying about his lies, damnit!

Of course, the good doctor, who actually convinced people to let him carve their heads open and do brain surgery to them, is correct that no one has ever asked Barack Obama a question EVER, though it's not too late for the media to stop looking into Carson and start looking into this unknown Obama fellow. The 2008 election and all the years after that certainly did not feature questions about Obama's pastor Jeremiah Wright, or his terror sex buddy William Ayers, or how maybe Obama is a Muslim, or maybe he was not born in America, or at all, and oh God, can we see the birth certificate again, just to make sure it's not a fake?! Go vet that, lying liberal media.

Besides, Ben Carson is not responsible for any of his own lies, because his ghostwriter did them, and "when you write a book with a co-writer," you can't expect yourself to tell that co-writer accurate information. Here is a new and different lie Carson is telling about his educational history:

Mr. Carson wrote that he “received notice” that final exams for a course called Perceptions 301 were “inadvertently burned,” and he and 150 other students came to an auditorium to retake the test. The new exam, Mr. Carson recalled in the book, was tougher. All the students but Mr. Carson walked out, he wrote.

“The professor came toward me. With her was a photographer for the Yale Daily News who paused and snapped my picture,” Mr. Carson wrote. “ ‘A hoax,’ the teacher said. ‘We wanted to see who was the most honest student in the class.’ ” The professor then handed him a $10 bill, Mr. Carson said in the book.

Did he "receive notice" from God in a dream, the way it happened when He took Carson's chemistry final for him? Just curious.

Anyway, did any of this happen? Hard to say! Did Ben Carson even go to Yale? It was the 1970s, guys, which was a LONG TIME AGO:

No photo identifying Mr. Carson as a student ever ran, according to the Yale Daily News archives, and no articles from that era mention a class called Perceptions 301. The paper doesn’t have a morgue of unused photos from the 1970s.

Claryn Spies, a librarian at Yale, said Friday there was no psychology course by that name or class number during Mr. Carson’s years at Yale.

There is no record of a cash prize being given to students who attended the fake exam. There also is no mention in the story that Yale psychology professors were involved.

Wow! So it sounds like Ben Carson made up another thing, or his ghostwriter made up another thing, and we have yet more evidence that Ben Carson is a liar with a broken brain.

That Obama, though. Somebody should ask HIM some questions for a change.

[Wall Street Journal]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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