He only wants a nicer, more financially stable class of poor people.

Famous Neurosurgeon Ben Carson, who still has a job as Secretary of Housing and Urban Development for some reason, plans to announce some exciting new Fuck The Poor measures today, fulfilling Donald Trump's campaign promise to really fuck the poor hard, for America. In addition to tripling the minimum amount of rent people in public housing must pay out of their own pocket, the new regulations will also impose work requirements for all non-disabled adults using public housing. Fortunately, this shouldn't have any negative impacts on anyone, since the Republicans' Big Fat Tax Cuts for Rich Fuckwads has made America so flush with jobs that everyone can get one, and pay three times a much for their Section 8 housing, too. At least in theory.

The Washington Post reports the proposed draft legislation, which would have to be passed by Congress, would affect some 4.5 million families who rely on federal housing assistance. As of now, tenants of public housing (or recipients of housing vouchers) must pay a minimum rent set at 30 percent of their adjusted income, with rents for the poorest families capped at $50 a month. The new rules Carson will roll out later today will require poor people to devote a bigger chunk of their income to rent, since poor people have obviously had too much extra cash until now:

The administration’s legislative proposal sets the family monthly rent contribution at 35 percent of gross income or 35 percent of their earnings working 15 hours a week at the federal minimum wage. Under the proposal, the cap for the poorest families would rise to approximately $150 a month, three times higher than the current minimum.

Guess that means poor folks will just have to stop being poor if they want a federally subsidized roof over their heads. Should be easy -- just get rid of those wasteful iPhones, not to mention luxuries like refrigerators and color TVs.

In addition to requiring higher rent and imposing work requirements, the proposal will also make poor people a lot richer, at least for the sake of qualifying for public housing, by redefining their incomes:

HUD also seeks to change the deductions that could be considered when determining a tenant’s rent, eliminating deductions for medical and childcare costs.

No more "I have diabetes" or "I need to pay for daycare in order to work" as excuses to get a break on rent. Your boat better get itself up in the air, people, no matter what the tide's doing.

Oh, sure, some liberal complainers like Diane Yentel, the president of the National Low Income Housing Coalition, think this is a bad idea; she told WaPo,

When we are in the middle of a housing crisis that’s having the most negative impact on the lowest income people, we shouldn’t even be considering proposals to increase their rent burdens.

Clearly, she doesn't understand that if poor people aren't given some incentives to become investment bankers, they just won't make anything of themselves. This is a simple fact that is well understood by Ben Carson, who has always been proud of the fact that while his mom may have been on welfare when he was a kid, she was never dependent on government assistance, because unlike poor people today, she had character.

Of course, it may also have helped some that when Ben Carson was a child, public benefits were more generous than those of today, which he now wants to cut even further, but it would be a real shame to point that out to him, since it might undercut his personal mythology of having succeeded through grit and determination. (We are kidding -- he wouldn't see that as significant at all, because his mother worked hard. How dare you insult her!)

Besides, if poor people think they deserve a federal handout, why don't they become oil companies, huh?

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

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[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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