Ben Carson Slightly Smarter Than Previously Suspected, Tells Trump Administration 'Nyet'

Ben Carson won't get the nod, or already nodded off.

In one of his smarter career moves since God made him run for president, retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson announced Tuesday he will not take a job in the Trump administration, even if he's offered one.

According to Reuters, Carson's name has been floated as a possible secretary of health and human services or secretary of education, presumably because he knows so much about how the ancient Egyptians built the pyramids to store grain.

Carson's weirdass business manager/Svengali figure Armstrong Williams, whom we always neglect to mention has scandals of his own dating back to paid propaganda (which is illegal) for George W. Bush's Department of Education (yes, even Bush's Department of Education had scandals), explained Carson isn't currently interested in running a federal agency:

“Dr. Carson doesn’t feel like that’s the best way for him to serve the president-elect,” Williams told Reuters.

He said Carson would remain a close adviser of Trump and a friend. “His life has not prepared him to be a Cabinet secretary,” Williams said.

So, sure, he was completely ready to be President, but secretary of HHS? Whoa, what on earth makes you think he'd be qualified for THAT?

Now that New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has been demoted from leading Trump's transition team to Name On The Transition Team Letterhead, Carson may be available for the important job of standing behind Trump and looking lovingly at him, assuming he can keep his eyes open. Alternately, Carson may find himself with few options but to return to his previous occupation of saying dumb shit on Fox News, giving cliche-filled speeches for absurdly large fees, and writing inspirational books on things he knows nothing about, like how Thomas Jefferson and Jesus wrote the Constitution together. somewhere out there, there's a bogus nutritional supplement just waiting for Carson to sell it.


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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