Ben Carson To Defeat Terrorists By Politely Telling Them To Cut That Out, Guys
The man with the plan. Or a plan, anyway.
While the politically correct evil tyrant pussy president sits around not defeating ISIS by bombing errryone to radioactive smithereens, Dr. Ben Carson is busy thinking up great thoughts about how to git r done, and here is a new one he thoughted up, you're WELCOME, Obama.
If you're going to defeat them, you know, you can spend all your time thinking about what can we do over here to protect our communities. I think I have a better plan.
Edge of our seats here, doc. Enlighten us!
You have to defeat them over there. So that they don't get a chance to spend their time thinking about what to do here.
Holy camel poop, mind blown! Think of all the lives and treasure we could have saved since Gee Dubya Bush kept us safe on 9/11, if only someone -- anyone! -- had thought of that. But how? How would we ever implement such a radical idea to fight the terrorists over there so we don't even have to think about them over here?
Right now, you know what they do is they hide among the populace. Because they figured that we won't do anything because you know we are very politically correct. So we won't go after them there. We even do things like rules of engagement from the Obama administration.
Stupid PC Obama, inventing rules of engagement like some kind of dirty hippie who doesn't understand this is WAR, son!
When oil tanker trucks are coming out of refineries, don't bomb them because there are people in them! Are you kidding me? I mean, that is ridiculous! And I'm a very humanitarian person. Believe me, I don't want to just bomb people. But! There are better ways to do it.
Go on ...
I would just say, "Hey, guys, any truck coming out of there is getting bombed. So if you don’t want your people to die, don’t put them in the truck." You know, that makes a lot more sense to me.
"Heyyyyyyyyy, guys," President Carson would say. And all those ISISes would stop what they're doing -- loading up explosive anti-American Korans on their trucks, maybe -- to listen to the doctor's commanding yet gentle tone as he suggests they not do terrorism OR ELSE, please and thank you. That's the kind of outside-the-Beltway-and-the-box thinking President Lame-o would never come up with.
Christ, it's almost too easy.
As Huffington Post points out, the Unites States already has a Hey Guys policy in place, dropping leaflets around oil refineries and civilian areas that warn we're T-minus-about-an-hour from bombing the shit out of them, FYI. But huh, terrorists still gonna terrorist, and PC Obama still gonna try to spare civilian lives if possible, what a wimp.
Not that Dr. Carson is necessarily aware of all the bombs we are dropping. Once someone on his team shoves that intelligence through his ear and into his flabby brain muscle, though, he'll have to think up some whole new other plan no one has yet thinked up. Whatever it is, we're sure it too will make a lot more sense. At least to Dr. Carson.