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Ben Quayle Thanks Ronald Reagan For the Free Jelly Beans

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Ben Quayle is aPolitico op-ed contributor? Of course Ben Quayle is a Politico op-ed contributor. "When I was a child, President Ronald Reagan was the nice man who gave us jelly beans when we visited the White House." Sure, the nice old man's mind didn't always seem to be there, and half the time the jelly beans were actually his cats, but at least he thought they were jelly beans, and that was what was important for America. Wow, a pointless editorial framed by an inane story just to show the writer knows famous people? That's pretty advanced for a new op-ed writer. This is the kind of stuff that's usually written by men who haven't been relevant to the political discourse for thirty years but are somehow still paid big bucks by the Washington Post to be out of touch. Expect them to hire this Ben Quayle fellow!


I didn’t know then, but I know it now: The jelly beans were much more than a sweet treat that he gave out as gifts. They represented the uniqueness and greatness of America — each one different and special in its own way, but collectively they blended in harmony.

A great multitude of jelly beans Ronald Reagan could charge with drug crimes and kill in the electric chair. And then there was harmony for the coconut ones.

Reagan also knew the importance of words and their impact when it came from the American people. This innate understanding gave birth to his Brandenburg Gate speech. His speechwriters and advisers didn’t want the famous lines to be said — but he put them back in. Then, in West Berlin, Reagan uttered the line that has gone down in history “Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.”

And then when the Wall finally fell, Reagan's brain was rice pudding, Mr. Gorbachev was long gone, and Germans did it themselves. But sure, let's all credit the nice Big Tobacco man with the bowl of jelly beans he coughed all over but wouldn't let the AIDS people touch.

Anyway, yes, Ben Quayle, you are also Ronald Reagan. Congratulations.

You have Alzheimer's. [Politico]

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