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Ben Shapiro Absolutely Nails Audition To Play Blair In 'Facts Of Life' Reboot

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People who are not very smart love to gush over what a fabulous intellectual Ben Shapiro is, and how he is so very good at "debating" liberals. He is, in fact, partially the reason why my DMs are filled with whiny men I do not know who want to "debate" me. However, the more one listens to Ben Shapiro, the more clear it becomes that his entire schtick is just an amalgamation of "ignorant rich kid" characters from various 1980s and '90s sitcoms, with a dash of Ebenezer Scrooge and "My Super Sweet Sixteen" thrown in for good measure. He thinks he's Alex P. Keaton, but he's really just Blair from "The Facts of Life." He's Margaux from "Punky Brewster." He's the cast of "Troop Beverly Hills" at the beginning of "Troop Beverly Hills." He's every interchangeable and non-iconic dumb rich guy character with a sweater tied around his neck.

On his show on Wednesday, Shapiro delivered a stilted, nasal rant at all the liberals out there trying to convince him that so-called "poor people" exist and these "poor people" sometimes have to work more than one job to make ends meet. These are, of course, the same bleeding heart liberals who keep telling him that the unemployment rate is low because it's a lot easier these days to just pick up a part-time gig or a few part-time gigs in order to pay some bills while you continue trying to find a regular full-time job that pays you enough to live on and provides health insurance.


Shapiro, the wealthy scion of a television executive and a composer, helpfully explained that if these peasants wanted jobs that paid them enough to live on, they would not take jobs that did not pay them enough to live on. Obviously, the only reason people take jobs that don't pay them enough to live on and thus have to work two jobs is because they don't actually like eating and paying rent that much but love working, and that is not Ben Shapiro's problem! If they wanted to eat and have a roof over their heads, they would have gone to Harvard, just like he did.

Shapiro then explained that everyone is lying to him about how this whole "gig economy" thing is the reason for low unemployment numbers. He even has it on authority from the US Census that only five to eight percent of Americans have more than one job, because that is definitely a thing it is easy to get solid numbers on. He also knows, for a fact, that no one is actually driving for Uber, even though everyone is always talking about "people driving for Uber." Of course they're not! Because when people need to go places, they just ask Jeeves to bring the car 'round. What even is this "Uber" everyone is talking about?

Obviously the economy is very good and everything is fine and people only work more than one job because they like working more than one job. Yet, for some unknown reason, people who aren't as rich as Ben Shapiro just don't see it that way. The fools!

In sitcoms and movies, people who talk like Ben Shapiro does about poor people are supposed to be a joke. We are supposed to laugh at them and how shallow and ignorant and, well, Clueless they are. Sadly, the only difference between Shapiro and these stock characters are that they usually grow and change and become better people by later seasons or the end of the movie, and he just continues being a joke. Just not a very funny one.

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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