Super Good News, Ben Shapiro — You Can Still Join The US Army!

Super Good News, Ben Shapiro — You Can Still Join The US Army!

For the last who even knows how long it's been at this point, conservative pundits have been whining about the military not being manly enough and recruiting advertisements not being manly enough and what have you. This is of course part and parcel of their usual whining about how no one will let them do "traditional masculinity." Like it's our fault they're a bunch of twerps.

On a recent broadcast, Ben Shapiro got very worked up about how we are all less safe because the United States military is abandoning "traditional masculinity."

He said:

People who tend to fight wars are typically very patriotic, very male people. I mean, I'm sorry to break it to you but this has been the truth about military warfare for literally all of human history. And the institution of traditional masculinity has been core to that idea. But we're a society that doesn't believe in traditional masculinity. Traditional masculinity is an opponent. Because traditional masculinity requires roles. Men are supposed to protect. Men are supposed to defend. Men are supposed to be strong. Men are supposed to be fathers and husbands. These are apparently very bad things now! You're not supposed to say these things!

Fascinating that Shapiro's definition of masculinity is so entirely dependent on other people going along with him and saying that everything he says is great. Because really, what does "You're not supposed to say these things!" mean if not "If you say these things, someone might say that you are wrong!" — which could apply to practically anything.

Ben Shapiro Type Person: "You know what was a really great show? Ally McBeal."

Anyone, anywhere: "No, I disagree, Ally McBeal was not very good at all and that dancing baby thing was creepy!"

Ben Shapiro Type Person: "Oh, so now we're not allowed to say we really liked Ally McBeal? Is that how it is? Is it not woke to like Ally McBeal?"

I would have to imagine that at least a small component of "traditional masculinity" would be being able to perform masculinity without the help of anyone else. Especially for people who claim to be so big on "personal responsibility." Is this meant to be a Tinkerbell situation? Men can't be macho unless we all clap our hands and say "I believe in traditional masculinity and think that it is great! Yay gender roles!"?

That being said, clearly Ben Shapiro thinks he is doing an excellent job at performing masculinity and since I don't care, sure! Let's say Ben Shapiro is the epitome of manliness. Him and Matt Walsh and Tucker Carlson and Charlie Kirk and Alex P. Keaton and the rest. Every one of them would make a fantastic and not-at-all hilarious Stanley Kowalski in A Streetcar Named Desire, because they are so very macho. I believe they can all eat 50 eggs. Shapiro in particular sounds nothing like your dad's impression of a nerd. They're just so, so manly.

So if Shapiro wants to make the military more macho, I suggest he join up himself, if only for the sake of national security. Legally, you can join the army until the age of 41 and as he is currently 38, he can enlist right now if he likes. He can go and be the change he wishes to see in the world, or at least the United States military. Indeed, many of these men who are so very distressed about the machismo-levels in our military are quite able (barring any bone spurs) to enlist. How is the US military supposed to be all it can be if all of the manliest men in the nation are on Fox News or YouTube complaining about how the military isn't as masculine as they would like it to be?

Didn't think about that one, did he?

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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