Biden Finally Giving Press Conference, But He Told Everybody About It, Like A Sucker!

joe biden
Biden Finally Giving Press Conference, But He Told Everybody About It, Like A Sucker!

Our long, national nightmare is over. President Joe Biden announced Tuesday that he'll release his verbal hostages after a tense 54-day standoff and hold a press conference on March 25. Hooray!

You probably didn't know this because you don't care and it doesn't affect your life either way: However, Biden's delay in holding a solo press conference was a huge Beltway media scandal, according to Beltway media. The press had important questions to ask the president directly: For instance, was Biden aware Major Biden (a dog) had never actually served in the military? If so, why does he hate the troops? If not, why is he so senile?

Bloomberg reports:

While Biden frequently takes a few questions at a time from reporters at White House events, his first official news conference comes later in his presidency than for his two predecessors. Both Barack Obama and Donald Trump held news conferences in February after they took office.

For the record: President Barack Obama took questions from the press after delivering serious remarks about the state of the nation during the financial crisis. President Klan Robe went off on an unhinged rant where he called the press hateful liars. If they're giving credit for Don Rickles celebrity roast material, maybe Biden could've fit them in earlier.

The news that Biden would finally go mano a mano with the press dropped shortly after former White House Press Secretary and obscene liar Kayleigh McEnany tweeted about his apparent “lack of transparency."


McEnany whined: “Unlike his predecessors, [Biden] hasn't scheduled a joint address to Congress or a press conference. Why?"

Jen Psaki, McEnany's successor and superior, gives press briefings on the regular and never attacks reporters like she's a heckler at their open mic. The Biden administration is pretty damn transparent already. Sure, it was easy enough to see through McEnany and her old boss's lies, but that's a different type of transparency.

The demand for a joint address to Congress is silly. McEnany's old, crusty ass boss interrupted everyone's Mardi Gras with one of those in 2017, but that was just so he could con suckers into thinking he was “presidential" and improve his flagging approval ratings. Meanwhile Biden's approval ratings are already better than the one-term loser ever achieved.

Biden has consistently demonstrated he can read from a script while addressing the public. He did a fine job during his televised COVID-19 speech last week. Republicans keep pushing the “Hidin' Biden" narrative, but even with the media's frustrating “both sides" coverage, Biden will still shine in comparison to the one-term loser. He's not going to suggest people inject themselves with bleach.

Perhaps sensing that they're going to faceplant into the pit they've dug for Biden, Fox News immediately shifted from “Biden won't give press conferences. What's wrong with him?" to “Biden has announced his press conference more than a week in advance. What's wrong with him?"

“The Five" co-host Dana Perino just had to ask, “Why in the world would you announce a press conference nine days from now? My theory is you announce them that morning because the press is going to come anyway. Who knows what's going to happen in nine days?"

OMG, what could happen in nine days? The suspense is killing us. Perino's “theory" must make her an unpredictable and annoying dinner party host. I think Biden has actually watched Psaki's press briefings and he's hoping that with sufficient notice, the reporters will show up with better questions. It's like when parents tell their 20-something kids that they'll stop by their crappy apartment in a week. That's enough time to at least clean the toilet, maybe sweep the kitchen floor.

Perino was the White House press secretary for former President George W. Bush, an expert speaker in public-er. Here's a sample of what we've been missing.

During his first term, Bush held just 17 solo question-and-answer sessions with reporters. This number increased significantly in his second term, but it's important to note that his approval rating was cratering and he was eager to change the narrative. Presidents usually take a “What Have You Done For Me Lately?" approach to press conferences. It's not about what the media wants but what the exposure can do for the president's agenda.

Biden's doing just fine without them.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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