Screengrab from video interview from People

BREAKING MOST IMPORTANT NEWS!

Melon Trump didn't take big dumpshits all over Michelle Obama's vegetable garden, or if she did, they acted as fertilizer. "The garden is going strong!" said Dr. Jill Biden to People in a new interview the magazine did with her, the first lady, and her husband Joe Biden, the president.

Michelle Obama confirms:

YAY. Happy news!

The past few weeks have been kind of a mindfuck, as we watch normalcy attempt to return. There are these White House press briefings! Every day! The press secretary is pretty cool, when she's not DOING TYRANNY TO THE DAILY BEAST! President Biden got on the phone with Vladimir Putin recently, not his first world leader call but like his ninth, and he actually laid down the law about a hundred things. He didn't even make out with Putin through the phone receiver! President Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris went to the State Department today, where Biden delivered his first major foreign policy address, about strengthening the alliances Donald Trump squandered, staying tough on Putin, supporting LGBTQ people around the world, and much, much more.

In short, America is still here, a republic if we can keep it, yadda yadda.


And we once again have a president who squeezes time into his busy day to sit down with his wife, whom he loves, and gab with People about whatever. "How long is this going to take?" he asked the interviewer. "I need to get back to the Oval." Oh yeah, that's another weird thing. Biden, like, goes to work every day.

The People interview is fun, though. Did you know Dr. Biden, even as first lady, is continuing to teach English at Northern Virginia Community College? She did it as second lady, and she's just gotten back to it as first lady. Bet those students do their homework. Otherwise they'd be big losers, like "Oh sorry, Madam First Lady, mean Dr. B, I mean Madam Doctor B! I forgot to read the syllabus, DOY DOY DOY!" (Her students call her "Dr. B.")

In the interview, the Bidens talked about what it's like to live in the White House for the first time, Biden's reflections on the inauguration, and also shared the secret to their happy marriage:

President Biden: She has a backbone like a ramrod. Everybody says marriage is 50/50. Well, sometimes you have to be 70/30. Thank God that when I'm really down, she steps in, and when she's really down, I'm able to step in. We've been really supportive of one another. I've read all that data as well about families under pressure, and that's why I'm glad she kept her profession. It's really important that she's an educator, although she took off two years when we first got married because the boys were little. It's important that she has the things that she cares a great deal about, her independence. And yet we share each other's dreams.

Dr. Biden: All that we've been through together — the highs, the lows and certainly tragedy and loss — there's that quote that says sometimes you become stronger in the fractured places. That's what we try to achieve.

President Biden added that he thinks they could technically do their jobs without each other — they're not codependent morons — but "not as well as we do them" together. Dr. Biden added that they don't fight much because "after 43 years of marriage there's really not that much more to fight about."

President Biden said Dr. Biden leaves him important thoughts and messages on the bathroom mirror to make sure he sees them while he's shaving, awwwwww that's nice.

People asked President Biden about the new ethics rules he signed, and whether he'd be "putting up guardrails" to "avoid any appearance of wrongdoing." And he said this weird thing, we are still processing it:

President Biden: No one in our family and extended family is going to be involved in any government undertaking or foreign policy. And nobody has an office in this place.

HUH. No office for Hunter Biden? He's not even going to be in charge of Middle East policy? These Bidens don't even know how to "White House."

Anyway, nice People magazine interview with the president and first lady, because nice things exist again.

In summary and in conclusion, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HUNTER BIDEN, HOPE DADDY GOT YOU A NEW LAPTOP!

(No really, it's Hunter Biden's birthday. We read Politico Playbook and therefore know things like this.)

The end, and OPEN THREAD.

[People]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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