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Poor persecuted Franklin Graham, insane wingnut son of evangelist Billy Graham and president of his daddy's association, saw a Wells Fargo ad on the teevee, and the ad had lesbians in it, and this shall not stand! So he took his mad right to the Facebook and announced what he was gonna do: close the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association's Wells Fargo accounts (because he controls them now that his dad is 96) and move them to a better, more gay-hatey bank:


Have you ever asked yourself–how can we fight the tide of moral decay that is being crammed down our throats by big business, the media, and the gay & lesbian community? Every day it is something else! Tiffany’s started advertising wedding rings for gay couples. Wells Fargo bank is using a same-sex couple in their advertising. And there are more. But it has dawned on me that we don’t have to do business with them. At the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, we are moving our accounts from Wells Fargo to another bank.

HUZZAH, take that, Wells Fargo! So off Graham went with all his moneys in a knapsack, and found a new bank, BB&T, which sponsored a gay pride thing in Miami Beach just this year. Oops. The gays are ERRWHERE, run for your lives! But it's okay, for two reasons: One, BB&T only got a score of 80 on the Human Rights Campaign's Corporate Equality Index, as opposed to Wells Fargo's perfect 100, so the new bank is only 80 percent as gay-lovey as the sinner-hole known as Wells Fargo. And two, Graham saved $100,000 by switching to Sprint GEICO BB&T. So, hurray!

Graham also told listeners on Tony Perkins' Washington Watch radio program that Christians shouldn't buy things from Nike, Tiffany, or Starbucks, because those companies all "promote the gay lifestyle" and don't even protest military funerals for God Hates Fags purposes or things along those lines.

YES, Graham is a contemptible ass, and he's also cherry-picking, because if he REALLY believed all this stuff, enough to actually put his business where his mouthhole is, he would also boycott the following companies, all of which are too gay-lovey for a fine Christian such as himself:

  • Facebook: DOH, Graham should not have written that temper tantrum on Mark Zuckerberg's website, because while it's not listed on the HRC's Corporate Equality Index, it did sign on to an amicus brief asking the Supreme Court to please throatcram America with gay marriage.
  • And don't go Googling around for a wingnut alternative to Facebook, because Google is so gay married to gayness that it, too, got a 100.
  • In fact, he probably ought to stay away from computers ENTIRELY, as Apple, Microsoft, Dell, and a Holy Host of others have perfect scores! And Apple and Microsoft also signed onto the SCOTUS brief about gay marriages.
  • We know that wingnuts tend to prefer Walmart to Target, but Walmart's jumped all the way up to a 90 on the Corporate Equality Index. Heck, it even bullied Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson into refusing to sign a "religious freedom" AKA Fuck The Gays bill! No more low, low prices for you, Frank. Can't switch to Target either; it got 100, and Kmart did too.
  • NO MORE FOOD AND DRINK! Unless Graham is content to feast only on rotten Tyson chicken and Nestle bars, he's going to die of starvation, because most large food stores and brands score between 80 and 100 on the list. Coke and Pepsi! Not for a godly man like Graham!

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Also? Water, air and God-Jesus, because God-Jesus made the gays IN HIS GAY IMAGE and loves them very much, see you in hell, Franklin Graham.

[Franklin Graham on Facebook / Right Wing Watch / HRC Corporate Equality Index via Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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