'Big Government' Novelist-Contributor Has Biggest 'War on Terror' Scoop Of Decade, Until His Next One!
Ha ha ha, don't know how we missedthis earlier in the week, but a thriller novelist named Brad Thor has been publishing major major national security Scoops at Andrew Breitbart's Big Government joke blog: "Late this afternoon Lt. Colonel Oliver North confirmed that Taliban leader and Osama bin Laden ally, Mullah Mohammed Omar has been captured. The exclusive news of Omar’s capture was broken by Big Government Monday evening." Oh my god. "According to Colonel North, Omar was picked up in Karachi on March 27th by the Pakistani Inter-Services Intelligence Directorate (ISI) who placed him under house arrest in what they call 'community care.'" Sure, why not. Oliver North confirms to the trade paperback novelist at Andrew Breitbart's joke blog that Mullah Omar was captured a month and a half ago. Hmm... looking for possible holes here... eh, we give up. Fucking most valid scoop in history.
Here's some additional journalistically sound... random guessing by a novelist and Oliver North:
Of additional note in North’s reporting are the predictions that an immediate, Vietnam-style, “cease fire” may be a pre-requisite for talks, as might a demand that Omar be granted safe haven in Saudi Arabia. The latter likely being an untenable requirement for the United States.
One thing, though, is certain. As North puts it, there is a “near-total lack of intelligence on what’s really happening on the ground on either side of the Af-Pak border.” What little we are getting doesn’t seem to be getting to the appropriate people.
In light of this confirmation of Mullah Omar’s apprehension, a whole new set of questions now arise and have already started being asked around Washington. In particular, who knew what and when did they know it?
The Omar capture is only the tip of the iceberg. Expect to hear a lot more in the days and weeks to come.
For even more serious investigative journalism on this subject, see Brad Thor's related article "Mullah Omar Wants Peace! (And He’s Got Killer Deals on Oceanfront Condos in Kandahar too)," complete with a very serious stock image of a wacky old hippie. (You know, "peace," get it?)
Anyway, again, the novelist is claiming that MULLAH FREAKING OMAR, the leader of the Taliban and Osama bin Laden's Spiritual Brother (that's the muslin equivalent of "best bud") and perhaps even the most wanted person in all of Terrorismland -- yes, possibly more than Osama, since the main military goal right now is the Afghanistan war; besides, we can't capture Osama, it would make it harder to keep escalating Middle East wars! -- has been in custody since March 27 and only now is this, the Greatest News Ever, getting leaked to a novelist blog contributor, and Ollie North. Ollie North, who also knows that ISI wants amnesty and a condo in Saudi Arabia for Mullah Omar, a bratty, stupid negotiating demand that the United States Military & Diplomatic Corps simply cannot seem to work past. This is funny, but let's stop typing. A bloody steak for Brad Thor, the world's greatest journalist, tonight!
(No one believes it btw. If it turns out to be true, somehow, then, well... Intern Riley wrote this post. Eh?)