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To be fair, it's a way better photoshop than I'd ever manage.


Yesterday was one heck of a big news day! You had Hope Hicks resigning; Team Mueller investigating Trump's talk of firing Jeff Sessions and also looking into just when Trump started talking about Russia hacking the DNC; a teacher barricading himself in his classroom before firing off a shot in a Georgia high school; a major story on Jared Kushner getting loans from people who happened to visit him at the White House; Donald Trump casually mentioning he'd be OK with taking guns away from some people first, and doing "due process later," and those are just the things that come to mind without looking very carefully. So obviously, Fox's evening shriekfests led with the really big news:

Carlson may have eventually gotten to the actual news, but here's his justification for going with the DEMOCRATS LETTING FOREIGNERS VOTE story:

There is a lot of news going on; we'll get to it in just a minute, but first, a bigger story that we think will shape the country your grandchildren will inhabit, maybe more than any other. The nation's immigration laws are breaking down before our eyes. The people charged with enforcing those laws are instead destroying them.

Except, no, the new Chicago ID cards -- which will indeed be available regardless of one's immigration status -- are for use in the city's transit and library systems. They aren't voter IDs -- and, oh, hey, Illinois does not require a photo ID to vote anyway. So yes, there was other news, but Fox considered it secondary to just plain lying about scary illegal immigrants voting. Or even worse, riding the bus.

That second story is at least real-ish, as the Wake Forest Poor Us We Are Very Oppressed Conservatives rightwing student newspaper (motto: "Truth Without Fear") reports:

After two Wake Forest students handed senior Ryan Wolfe a box of saltine crackers and photoshopped his face onto a cracker, Wolfe requested to open a judicial case under the verbal abuse and racial harassment policies.

“I support the free speech rights of students,” Wolfe said. “But in this case, I wanted to see if the school would enforce their rules surrounding verbal and abuse equally regardless of who was involved in the case. I knew that similar rhetoric about the identity of other groups would not be tolerated.”

And when did this gross violation of Wake Forest's campus speech code occur? A week before the 2016 election. Rightwing media have been eating up the story, so it's not surprising it found a place in Carlson's nightly Culture War Cavalcade, but we're pretty sure other stuff happened yesterday.

Thank Crom, Sean Hannity was surely going to get to some of the really important news of the day, right? Media Matters senior researcher Andrew Lawrence twote these here screengrabs of the key points in Hannity's Wednesday night A-block, adding only the straightforward comment, "Hannity is absolutely lit tonight, y'all":

Jared who? Hope what? Who cares -- Hillary Clinton will be impeached any day now. At least Hannity seems to have said something about the FBI, so there's some news for you. Sadly, we didn't Tivo the Hannifollies, so we don't know whether he mentioned Benghazi. Bet he did!

Aw, but we are not being fair at all to Mr. Hannity: He actually did mention Hope Hicks's resignation. In a piece where Anthony Scaramucci and Hannity invited her to come over and work at Fox.

Awww. Isn't that nice? Hope floats.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to help us upgrade our photoshop skills, or maybe we'll just keep farting around with MS-Paint.

Ryan Reilly via Sam Stein on Twitter / Media Matters / Snopes / Andrew Lawrence on Twitter / Media Matters]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Guys!

Last

month

was

crazy!

First, NASA sent its last message to the Mars Opportunity rover! THEN scientists said that all the insects are dying but not the human-looking ones in the GOP. As if THAT wasn't enough, some brave pendejos with grandes cojones are going to try and get seafloor creatures from under a giant ice shelf in the ANTARCTIC!

So, yeah, all three of those stories happened last month. Let's cover each in a science lightning round.

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Education Secretary Betsy DeVos is terrible at her job. Her objectives and overall mission are evil, but if it's any consolation she can't effectively implement them. After buying her Cabinet position at Sotheby's, DeVos has spent the past two years trying to roll back Obama-era policies designed to protect and actually educate students. Unfortunately for her evil schemes, federal courts keep smacking down her slimy efforts. It's getting embarrassing.

DeVos recently had to cancel $150 million in student loan debt after courts said her attempts to stop the "borrow defense" regulations from taking effect were in fact illegal. Last week, she was forced to instruct colleges to follow the Obama rule barring mandatory arbitration agreements. She got kicked in the teeth earlier this month when a federal judge ruled she'd acted illegally ... again. This time, DeVos tried to delay an Obama-era guideline that required states to address racial disparities in their special education programs. Judge Tanya S. Chutkan called the delay "arbitrary" and "capricious."

The rule, drafted under the Individuals With Disabilities Education Act, would require states to identify districts with "significant disproportionality" in the number of minority students channeled into special education services, segregated in restrictive classroom settings or disciplined.

OK, so what was the "education" secretary's issue with this rule? We want to imagine there's some rationale we're not seeing and DeVos is more than just some yacht-collecting monster.

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