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Bigot Twins: Satan Overturned The Guilty Verdict In The Scopes Monkey Trial (And Canceled Our Show)

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We really can't get enough of those bigot twins, Jason and David Benham, whom HGTV unceremoniously kicked to the curb when they found out they were up-to-their-eyeballs-level full of bigot. After that, their bank tried to break up with them, but howler monkeys on the internet made the bank reverse its decision. We're hoping the bank comes to regret that decision, given that the Benhams seem utterly incapable of shutting their pieholes and have left a rich trail of stupid all over the internet. Today's find: evolution equals Satan, or brought Satan with it, or something.


[T]he Benham brothers wrote on their website earlier this month[:] “Back in the 1960′s our nation allowed a toehold of sexual perversion – during the hippie sexual revolution – which has now become a stronghold of sexual anarchy in America. This stronghold masks itself in the form of diversity, inclusion, & tolerance.”

“There are other strongholds in America as well,” the column continued. “At first, Satan got a toehold on life in the 1920′s with the Scopes Monkey Trial (evolution can be taught alongside creation). “Eventually, of course, this toehold became a stronghold to where creation can no longer be taught at all.”

Think about it. Someone actually thought that the words "this toehold became a stronghold" was a fine turn of phrase. That might be dumber than thinking you need to teach creationism in schools, actually. They are also pretty certain that if you teach kids about evolution, it's just a direct line to Roe v. Wade and all the babies getting 'bortioned.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, Satan is totally the reason their show got cancelled too, duh.

While speaking to conservative host Glenn Beck last week, the brothers said that Satan was also behind their television show being cancelled.

“What we’re talking about right now on one of our talking points is that fact that we are Americans. This polarizing in which we live is being operated by a demonic agenda to suppress the truth,” David Benham opined at the time.

The truth about what, dude? Your planned show was about how you flip houses. Was that going to be a vehicle for combating Satan somehow? Like if you make 100K on the house, Satan grows a bit smaller each day? Were you going to hide religious tracts in the walls so that people could be protected from Satan's forces? Probably not! You were going to be like one million other house shows on HGTV because America now loves those fucking things.

Let's face it, bigot twins. This show getting cancelled was the best thing that ever happened to you. If you'd kept the show, it would just have been one show of many and people would only watch you on Saturday afternoons when you get sucked into those HGTV marathons because it is crappy outside. By failing to have a show, you're the darling of the right and you're on every conservative radio show ever and you'll probably get a show on the same channel Sarah Palin is on or something, where you can just talk about Jesus all day long. Everybody wins. You get a show somewhere, and we never ever ever have to watch it.

[Raw Story]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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