When we last left Frumpy Fascist Attorney General Bill Barr, the leading lights of the Republican Party were accusing him of treason and probably Chinese collusion for failing to be fully committed to the Sparkle Motion of Donald Trump's attempted clown coup. He had reportedly had a frowny face meeting with Trump at the White House, after he said out loud that neither the Justice Department nor the Department of Homeland Security had seen any evidence of any kind of fraud that could change the result of the election. (REMINDER: The result was that Joe Biden beat the shit out of Trump behind the gym, with votes. He will be inaugurated the nation's 46th president on January 20.)

Clearly there's a big part of Barr's jowly face that wants out of this shit. He fancies himself a respected lawyer, a champion among his peers. And he'd really like to get back to respectability. Point being, however it goes down, he doesn't want to be the last syphilitic dementia rat to flop half-deadly off the side of this sinking ship.

Will Trump fire him? Trump is reportedly VERY MAD GRRR ARGH at him, and is doing that thing where he won't say he still loves his big dumb Roy Cohn substitute henchman. But Trump can't fire Barr if Barr quits first, YOU HEAR THAT, TRUMP? BILL BARR MAYBE HATES THIS WHOLE SCHOOL AND IS NEVER COMING BACK AGAIN, MAYBE.

At least that's what the New York Times reported Monday:


Attorney General William P. Barr is considering stepping down before President Trump's term ends next month, according to three people familiar with his thinking.

One of whom is probably Bill Barr.

One said Mr. Barr could announce his departure before the end of the year.

Ooh, do it on Crimmus!

One of the people insisted that Mr. Barr had been weighing his departure since before last week and that Mr. Trump had not affected the attorney general's thinking. Another said Mr. Barr had concluded that he had completed the work that he set out to accomplish at the Justice Department.

Oh, we are very sure. You betcha. The same guy who helped Trump do his fascist Bible photo op where they gassed a priest is just like "all finished now, might quit three weeks early for no reason besides all finished."

The Times has more words in its news article if you want to read them, but we kind of don't care. Will he stay? Will he go? Sorry, we just heard they did a Kentucky Fried Chicken Lifetime movie where AC Slater from "Saved By The Bell" sticks his drummie all kinda places in the sex way, ALLEGEDLY, so we are not sure we have the bandwidth for Bill Barr's personal drama.

It has been funny, though, watching the stupidest fucking Republicans on the planet, including Trump, accuse Barr of NEFARIOUS. Lou Dobbs called him "the resistance," y'all. Also said maybe he is "compromised."

Since we wrote about that last week, Fox News nutbag yell person "Judge" Jeanine Pirro said Barr is "so deep in the swamp, you can't see beyond your fellow reptiles." LOLOLOL OK. Sick burn, Judge Box Wine!

Maria Bartiromo, a totally different Fox News idiot, asked dumb dick Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe this weekend who "got to" Barr.

They are all feeling so fucking betrayed right now, and it is goddamned hilarious.

Oh well, if they can't get along, we guess they could just try eating each other's faces off some more. Whatever.

[New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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